Elegant Plus Magazine

Hello Gorgeous: Self Esteem and Love, Part I
by Lisa Klobucar, Regular Contributing Author of Elegant Plus Magazine

Well, “Hello Gorgeous!” and I really do mean that. So it’s been a few months. You have been loving and complimenting yourself in that lovely mirror I suggested you go out and get. You are not only believing you are wonderful, but it’s exuding from your very existence. So what’s next you ask? Well now comes the time to allow others in your world to admire and perhaps love the new inner you. 

Perhaps you have a special someone in your life. Have they noticed a change in you lately? Has that person been a positive influence in making sure your self esteem changes are what you what to see. The people in your life affect who you are and how you act. So if you have a boy/girl friend or family members that are on your butt for everything you do and that input is nothing but negative, then that impact is going to weigh in on you and your self esteem. 

You are making sure your needs are being met. You are providing yourself with the self love and self acceptance you need to be fulfilled. However, let’s face it, we have friends and family members that because things aren’t going well in their lives will try and make you feel bad. And if you are a big girl or guy, you are an easy target for those people. 

So what do you do? You want to let someone in your life that loves and appreciates your big wonderful self. How do you do that? One, know who you are. Know what you like and what you want in a potential mate, significant other. Do not allow someone family or not to enter your life and change you. Be comfortable enough with yourself to put your foot down and say, “hey this is me, love me or leave me and if you go it’s your loss.”

We are all a constant work in progress, growing, maturing and changing all the time. So your needs in a mate/significant other are bound to change as well. It’s recognizing and accepting the changes that signal the signs of maturity and growth. 

Dealing with family that won’t or can’t accept you as you are, what to do?….distance yourself and quickly. Now before you say, “I can’t do that” I am here to say, “Yes you can”. While it is your family, you also deserved to be treated with and talked to in a respectful manner. Your mother comes at you with, “you would be so much cuter if you ____________ (fill in the blank), your brother says, “ya know if you had a better___________(fill in the blank) you would be much happier. Aunt Louise, “have you tried that new diet, I bet it will work for you” STOP, put on the breaks. While these people may love you, they are also hurting you. Why? Because, they can and you let them. Trust me, your mom will stop with the remarks if you don’t let her get to you. The moment she starts in on you, change the subject. Or just tell her that you are hurting my feelings and I don’t like it. Letting people know that they are hurting you is never a bad thing. It’s when you continue to accept the hurt and it begins to manifests itself into something or someone you don’t like. 
 

So here are some tips for letting love in and dealing with family while keeping that growing positive self esteem. 
 

1. When a family member or significant other says something hurtful or negative, call them on it immediately. Don’t wait or settle for another time, deal with it when it happens.

1. Realize that some folks are just going to be nasty and negative no matter what role they play in your life. Maybe Aunt Louise is hurting and to take away her hurt she lashes out at you. Well you are no one’s whipping tool. Tell Aunt Louise or anyone that attacks you to get some medication and a 12-step program.

1. If your mate is constantly berating you, think about it. Would your life be significantly better without this person? What does this person bring to your life that you feel you can’t live without (and no, good sex does NOT count)

1. When you meet a special someone that you want in your life, show them who you are. Let that someone know they have indeed found a good man/woman. You indeed are a “catch” and should show it.

1. Above all, believe in yourself you are worth it.

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