Parenting…. Plus, Style
Moms, Watch the Self Talk

 

“Mommy…. am I fat?” What do you tell your 4-year-old daughter if she asks you this question? Would you quickly tell her that no, of course she is not fat, she’s a beautiful perfect princess? Would you divert the question and ask “why are you asking me this?” Giving your child positive affirmations can make a strong, self-confident little person. But at the moment of this question, you may want to know why your daughter would ask something like this. Can kids this young have size awareness? Where the heck did she learn the word “fat”? More than likely, she is learning about self worth from you.
There was a drug-awareness commercial on TV over fifteen years ago that still resonates in my head. The scene was a 12-year-old boy smoking marijuana in his room. His father walks in and says “where did you learn about this?” And the kid yells back “I learned it from watching you!!!!” Self esteem, eating habits, morals, addictions… your child is learning from watching you. 
Moms, we’d better watch our self talk. Our words and our actions are not only noticed by our little ones but are also mimicked by them. How many of you have spent an hour getting dressed, only to look in the mirror and frown? How many of you have to “put your face on” by applying layers of makeup before going outside? Do you ever say that you’re “having a fat day” or frequently ask if certain clothes “make you look fat?” We all have!!! We need to be aware of the tiny sets of eyes that record our every move and the tiny sets of ears that will not listen when you tell them to sit down or eat broccoli… but they hear you perfectly when you speak negatively about yourself. 
In your child’s life, you are the most important person in the world. Although they may not admit it in the high school and adult years, your words and actions can be very character molding to your children. While I was pregnant with my son, I was often overwhelmed thinking about how he will view me. Who is the person that I want him to see? Who is the person that I want to be? Are my religious views something to be passed along? How about my professional life? Will he be proud? What about my personal life? Are any of my actions harmful or embarrassing? I felt like I needed everything “figured out” before he was born. 
What I figured out is that I’m not perfect and I will never have everything “figured out.” How boring would life be if we did have it all set? I’ve learned that I’m still learning. Still growing. That I will always be my mother’s child. 
Raising a great child does not require you to have everything figured out. It requires loving your child enough to show them that you grow, change, and continue to learn. How would you like your children to see you? How would you like them to interact and view others? How can you teach them self worth, morals, gratefulness, and love? We all have different answers to these questions. 
We all come in different colors, shapes, and sizes. We are raising the next generation to hopefully be more accepting of differences and less tolerant of prejudices. In what area of your life can you make a commitment right now to positively change your self talk for the good of your children? I challenge you to make a commitment, maybe even write it down or share it with a spouse or friend. Keep in mind that you are not alone. We have all heard the saying “it takes a village to raise a child.” How can you and your village encourage an aware, empathetic, confident member of society?

Monica Rasso © 2006

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