Women, Self Esteem, Body Image and the Media

Musings from the Editor’s Chair, Elegant Plus Magazine

Images of women are everywhere in our media. Wildly unrealistic and unattainable idealized images, that is. While we are getting older and heavier as a population, those ideals are increasingly becoming younger and thinner.  Although advertising campaigns, such as the Dove Campaign for Real Beauty that sells beauty products with “average”, “real” models do exist and are successful in meeting company economic goals they are exceedingly rare. Most rely first on destroying our sense of self worth so that they can sell us the “cure”.  If you are never thin enough in your own mind, you are more likely to buy the latest fad diet book, plan or pill. If you are only attractive if you look under the age of 30 in your own mind, you are more likely to buy the latest wrinkle cream or hire the services of a cosmetic surgeon. And the list goes on and on of created markets through advertising.  The formula works so well that we have culturally internalized these standards. We are at a stage in our society where we do half the work for them with destructive self talk, value judgments on our peers, and barrages of criticism directed at our loved ones.  This self loathing is at an all time high and is poisoning our lives with a focus almost exclusively on the outer packaging.

While you’ve heard us speak before of paying attention to the messages you are broadcasting through appearance and dress, we advocate first focusing on the positives and then working with what you have, instead of chasing after what you don’t.   Fashion, style and dress in the realms of non-verbal communication is a tool to get you where you want to go. In our opinion, you control it. It should not control you.  What has changed for plus-size women in the last five years or so, is the availability of fashion tools and resources to take control of our personal message. More clothing than ever before is available in sizes larger than 14 - and it isn’t all black and/or a shapeless sack. Our heads and hearts, however, seem to be lagging behind the opportunities. And many of us don’t know how to take back control of the message. 

One of my colleagues always looks meticulous, beautiful, confident and radiates the kindness and intelligence for which she is known. Is she a size 2, 6 foot tall, blond, 25 year old? No. Does she understand fashion, style and using her assets for greatest impact? Absolutely. When she looks in the mirror does she make a mental list of all her flaws?  No, she’s checking to make sure her skirt hem is straight or that she doesn’t have lipstick on her teeth. Does she think about what she is wearing and how she looks after she walks out the door in the morning? Rarely, if ever.  

Once the business of getting dressed and putting herself together in the morning is accomplished her mind and day are filled with the important aspects of who she is.  In other words, the outer packaging, the polished appearance  - it’s an inside out proposition that lets people see how fabulous she is on first impression. It doesn’t run her life.  She doesn’t focus on the fact that she is a size 18, 5′5″, 45 year old and doesn’t look anything like the airbrushed models draped across magazine covers.  That’s not what fills her inner most thoughts and propels her through her day.  She does care about keeping healthy - eating whole foods, getting some exercise, finding things she likes about herself both inside and out, and spending time keeping her life in balance …. but not with the guilt ridden sense that she is never doing enough and that she is never good enough, that colors so many of our lives. Most women and men who know her think she’s one of the most beautiful people they’ve ever met.

That’s what a healthy, balanced view of  self and the world looks like. How close do you come to finding that sort of life?  Do you value yourself and others for inner qualities? Can you focus on the physical positives of anyone when you meet them, or only the negatives? How big a part does the advertising world and media environment play in your sense of self?  It’s something to think about.

Additional Resources

Below are some links to organizations and resources that track, examine and watch advertising, media and women:

• About Face
• Beauty and Body Image in the Media
• Jean Kilbourne: Specialist in Women in the Media
• Media Education Foundation
• Real Women Project

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