Kiss My Assets: Self-Esteem and Body Image
Back to School Shopping Battle: Is “Fit” the new “F” word?

by Dr. Robyn Silverman for Elegant Plus Magazine

New classes. New clients. New clothes.

Back to school time can bring up the anxiety levels of most everyone. Being in a routine can be wonderful but restarting a routine can be nerve-racking. Once we emerge from our summer stupors where life seems a bit slower and people are decidedly more lax, September hits us like a fist to the head. All of a sudden, it’s business as usual and school as expected. It’s about meeting new people, seeing old friends, and dealing with feeling that you have been here before but somehow, all of the rules have changed. The newness mixed with questionable familiarity breeds anxiety about how we look, what we are wearing and how we size up. So back-to -school shopping can be more like a battle than bliss—when “fit” is the proverbial “f” word.

I remember when I was about 15 years old. I was out shopping with my mother when we bumped into Jessica, the girl who had “stolen” my boyfriend during the previous year at the same time that she had “stolen” my part in the annual musical theater production. She was way too cute and over-the-top perky. Was I bitter? I couldn’t stand her and yet I admired her vehemently. Everything she tried on seemed to look perfect on her. In my eyes, I couldn’t measure up. The mirror wasn’t allowing me to see anything different—or perhaps—I wasn’t allowing myself to see anything different. I went into the dressing room and burst into tears. We have to remember as adults that while a size is just a size, it has a lot more impact when you are dealing with feelings of fitting in—not just fit—at back to school time.

How can we put back to school shopping into a more favorable light?

1. Discuss sizing discrepancies with the girls you love: While we have heard it before, sizes aren’t consistent from one designer to another—what is a 10 in some stores is a 14 in others. Clothing stylists tell us that vanity sizes are rampant and you can not really discern your true size from any one pair of pants. Manufacturers think they have us pegged, ladies. With self-confidence and body image wound so tightly together, girls and women may be less likely to purchase clothing in a larger size than they think they should be. After all, up to 80% of young women believe that they are overweight and feel “fat” even when they are of average weight. Although we may know it is exactly the same size whether it says 6, 10, or 16 in all these different stores, the number on our clothing can really do a number on us psychologically. We hold these sizes up like score cards on how we are doing in mastering Beauty 101. Can we let someone else determine our self worth just by sowing a size into the seat of our pants?

2. Go to stores that fit the person, don’t try to fit the person into the store: Believe it or not, there are more plus-size women and girls than there are stores in the world. Manufacturers are starting to put out plus-size clothing lines that are trendy and exciting so that plus size women and girls can wear stylish clothing just like the straight size girls. It can be frustrating for anyone to go to a store where it seems unlikely that the clothes will fit correctly. As a short person of 5’3”, I know that venturing into certain stores would leave me stepping on about 6 inches of fabric—so why bother? Go to the stores that cater to the body of the person you are trying to fit—even if the driving distance is a little bit further than “just down the street.” It will be worth it.

3. Talk about health at any size: No size on its own necessarily means healthy. Someone can be a size 6 and feed their body junk food all the time, and someone else can be a size 16 and nourish their body with the best quality organic foods. If you are exercising your body and making good food choices, you can probably earn a clean bill of health from the doctor. Truly, some bodies do not have the ability to be as small as a 4 or a 6 no matter how little eaten or how much exercise done. I was speaking to one of my favorite plus-size models the other night who told me that at her very lowest weight (in high school) she was a size 8. She finally realized during her junior year that her body could never be smaller than that and in fact, if she was being honest with herself, she had presently looked like a rail. She was barely eating - “dieting” - and when she did eat, she felt horribly guilty about it. This is not health, is it? She knows now that her body is much healthier and comfortable at a size 12—so that is where she is today. When is your body—or your daughter’s body—at its healthiest size?

4. Dress the body you have beautifully: Over and over again I hear the same things from the plus size women in the modeling industry who I coach or interview each week. “Buy clothes that make you feel beautiful,” “Wear clothes that make you look beautiful,” “Be stylish and appear well put together.” Picture two plus-size girls on the first day of school. The first is dressed to the nines—with trendy pants and a gorgeous colorful top that shows off her curves in a very flattering and understated way. Her hair is styled, her make-up is subtle but becoming, and she knows she looks good. The second has thrown on the first thing she saw at the end of the bed—the pants are two sizes too big and the drab black top is even bigger than that. She has a hat on her head and she could care less what she looks like or how she is perceived. The first girl attracts exactly what she puts out—confident girls of all sizes who know that they deserve to treat themselves well. A fabulous “feedback” loop occurs which means that (1) She puts out a vibe that says that she is confident and feels good about her looks, (2) People read her as confident and looking good, (3) She receives nonverbal feedback from others that lets her know people believe she is confident and looks good, (4) Her confidence is reinforced, (5) Again, she puts out the vibe that she is confident and feels good about her looks. What do you think the second girl’s feedback loop looks like?

If all else fails, cut out those pesky little tags in the back of your pants or have someone else do it for you. We don’t want to put such high stakes into a ½ cent piece of cotton with a number on it. We are worth a lot more than that, aren’t we?

Additional Resources:

• Children’s Clothing Directory
• Young and Trendy Plus-Size Clothing Directory
• Elegant Plus Editor’s Pick Back-to-School Fashions for Plus-Sizes 12-34w
• Plus-Size Fashion and Style Books and Magazines
• Recommended Books on Self-Esteem and Body Image

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Dr. Robyn Silverman is a success coach and body image expert who can help you to achieve your goals at any age. For more information, go to http://www.DrRobynSilverman.com.  Share your thoughts about this column below - she’d love to hear what you think!

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