Kiss My Assets: Self-Esteem and Body Image
Back to School Shopping Battle: Is “Fit” the new “F” word?

by Dr. Robyn Silverman for Elegant Plus Magazine

New classes. New clients. New clothes.

Back to school time can bring up the anxiety levels of most everyone. Being in a routine can be wonderful but restarting a routine can be nerve-racking. Once we emerge from our summer stupors where life seems a bit slower and people are decidedly more lax, September hits us like a fist to the head. All of a sudden, it’s business as usual and school as expected. It’s about meeting new people, seeing old friends, and dealing with feeling that you have been here before but somehow, all of the rules have changed. The newness mixed with questionable familiarity breeds anxiety about how we look, what we are wearing and how we size up. So back-to -school shopping can be more like a battle than bliss—when “fit” is the proverbial “f” word.

I remember when I was about 15 years old. I was out shopping with my mother when we bumped into Jessica, the girl who had “stolen” my boyfriend during the previous year at the same time that she had “stolen” my part in the annual musical theater production. She was way too cute and over-the-top perky. Was I bitter? I couldn’t stand her and yet I admired her vehemently. Everything she tried on seemed to look perfect on her. In my eyes, I couldn’t measure up. The mirror wasn’t allowing me to see anything different—or perhaps—I wasn’t allowing myself to see anything different. I went into the dressing room and burst into tears. We have to remember as adults that while a size is just a size, it has a lot more impact when you are dealing with feelings of fitting in—not just fit—at back to school time.

How can we put back to school shopping into a more favorable light?

1. Discuss sizing discrepancies with the girls you love: While we have heard it before, sizes aren’t consistent from one designer to another—what is a 10 in some stores is a 14 in others. Clothing stylists tell us that vanity sizes are rampant and you can not really discern your true size from any one pair of pants. Manufacturers think they have us pegged, ladies. With self-confidence and body image wound so tightly together, girls and women may be less likely to purchase clothing in a larger size than they think they should be. After all, up to 80% of young women believe that they are overweight and feel “fat” even when they are of average weight. Although we may know it is exactly the same size whether it says 6, 10, or 16 in all these different stores, the number on our clothing can really do a number on us psychologically. We hold these sizes up like score cards on how we are doing in mastering Beauty 101. Can we let someone else determine our self worth just by sowing a size into the seat of our pants?

2. Go to stores that fit the person, don’t try to fit the person into the store: Believe it or not, there are more plus-size women and girls than there are stores in the world. Manufacturers are starting to put out plus-size clothing lines that are trendy and exciting so that plus size women and girls can wear stylish clothing just like the straight size girls. It can be frustrating for anyone to go to a store where it seems unlikely that the clothes will fit correctly. As a short person of 5’3”, I know that venturing into certain stores would leave me stepping on about 6 inches of fabric—so why bother? Go to the stores that cater to the body of the person you are trying to fit—even if the driving distance is a little bit further than “just down the street.” It will be worth it.

3. Talk about health at any size: No size on its own necessarily means healthy. Someone can be a size 6 and feed their body junk food all the time, and someone else can be a size 16 and nourish their body with the best quality organic foods. If you are exercising your body and making good food choices, you can probably earn a clean bill of health from the doctor. Truly, some bodies do not have the ability to be as small as a 4 or a 6 no matter how little eaten or how much exercise done. I was speaking to one of my favorite plus-size models the other night who told me that at her very lowest weight (in high school) she was a size 8. She finally realized during her junior year that her body could never be smaller than that and in fact, if she was being honest with herself, she had presently looked like a rail. She was barely eating - “dieting” - and when she did eat, she felt horribly guilty about it. This is not health, is it? She knows now that her body is much healthier and comfortable at a size 12—so that is where she is today. When is your body—or your daughter’s body—at its healthiest size?

4. Dress the body you have beautifully: Over and over again I hear the same things from the plus size women in the modeling industry who I coach or interview each week. “Buy clothes that make you feel beautiful,” “Wear clothes that make you look beautiful,” “Be stylish and appear well put together.” Picture two plus-size girls on the first day of school. The first is dressed to the nines—with trendy pants and a gorgeous colorful top that shows off her curves in a very flattering and understated way. Her hair is styled, her make-up is subtle but becoming, and she knows she looks good. The second has thrown on the first thing she saw at the end of the bed—the pants are two sizes too big and the drab black top is even bigger than that. She has a hat on her head and she could care less what she looks like or how she is perceived. The first girl attracts exactly what she puts out—confident girls of all sizes who know that they deserve to treat themselves well. A fabulous “feedback” loop occurs which means that (1) She puts out a vibe that says that she is confident and feels good about her looks, (2) People read her as confident and looking good, (3) She receives nonverbal feedback from others that lets her know people believe she is confident and looks good, (4) Her confidence is reinforced, (5) Again, she puts out the vibe that she is confident and feels good about her looks. What do you think the second girl’s feedback loop looks like?

If all else fails, cut out those pesky little tags in the back of your pants or have someone else do it for you. We don’t want to put such high stakes into a ½ cent piece of cotton with a number on it. We are worth a lot more than that, aren’t we?

Additional Resources:

• Children’s Clothing Directory
• Young and Trendy Plus-Size Clothing Directory
• Elegant Plus Editor’s Pick Back-to-School Fashions for Plus-Sizes 12-34w
• Plus-Size Fashion and Style Books and Magazines
• Recommended Books on Self-Esteem and Body Image

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Dr. Robyn Silverman is a success coach and body image expert who can help you to achieve your goals at any age. For more information, go to http://www.DrRobynSilverman.com.  Share your thoughts about this column below - she’d love to hear what you think!

Popularity: 19% [?]

  
What Do Plus-Size Women Really Want to See in Fashion Advertising?

One Woman’s Experience

By Michelle Renee Krehl, Guest Contributor at Elegant Plus Magazine

I was recently given the opportunity to participate in something I had often been curious about, a plus-size focus group being held by a major ad agency. I was excited to have the chance to let my voice be heard. I was also looking forward to hearing what other women in my demographic had to say regarding plus-size fashion and advertising. The women in the group were between the ages of 18 and 40, with the majority of the women appearing to be in their 20’s and 30’s. We all had been selected based on our interest in fashion, and the amount of time and money we spent on our wardrobes, as well as our interest in some designers and companies for full-figures that are considered more fashion forward.

The group was meeting in a “party” atmosphere. There was food and music, and the setting was rather festive. I am sure it provided a comfortable backdrop to the discussions we were having with women who were, for all intensive purposes, strangers. I always find it interesting that there is an immediate kinship between plus-sized women, especially when the conversation turns to fashion or shopping. Within 5 minutes of my arrival I had integrated myself easily into a group that was soon chatting away like we had known each other forever. We talked about how hard it is to find the perfect pair of plus-size jeans, and how frustrating it is when clothing options look more like tents than dresses… the usual issues that curvy women have.

We were introduced to a fashion expert who was a consultant and personal shopper. She had several mannequins dressed in plus fashions from local retailers. They were dressed in different styles: casual, trendy, business, etcetera and we were invited to share our opinions about the styles and choices.

We were invited to have something to eat and drink and to socialize with the other guests and the ad people circulated and talked with us as well. On one wall was a very large collage of magazine tears of all different types of fashion ranging from lingerie to casual to dressy, some plus, some not, including shoes and accessories. We were given Sharpies and told to write our feelings and comments all over it. I intentionally was one of the last women to look at the collage, as I wanted to read the comments that the other women had written. It was very interesting. People wrote what they loved and what they hated, how they felt about the models and the designs and everything you can imagine.

“This looks trashy!”

“Very sophisticated.”

“I would not be caught dead in this.”

“Boring.”

“Even my Grandma would not wear this.”

“Simple, but classy.”

I will say something that does contradict what I often hear and read from women who say they want to see plus-size clothing modeled by larger women. I was one of the smaller women in the group that day. (I am a size 16.) Most were also a bit more conventional than I am in style and sense of fashion, as I tend to be a bit of a fashion “risk taker,” and a bit more trendy and eclectic. When shown images of larger plus models (I am speaking of a size range around 18-20) no matter what they were wearing, they received less favorable comments than the  smaller plus models in the size 12-16 range. Some that I recognized were Crystal, Kate, Ivory and Nicole (the gorgeous plus model featured recently in a  Fruit of the Loom ad in a pink bra) who were all given much praise no matter what they had on. But, most of these participants were not women familiar with plus models by name and therefore did not like them because they recognized or admired them. (This reminds me that everyone is not as aware of the models’ identities as I am as an industry insider!)

One shot in particular had a model who appeared to be about a size 18/20 in a very cute dress, which was above knee in length.  Most of the women felt she was too big for the style and that it looked unflattering. For the record, I found it very appealing. They also thought that many of the images of the larger models in lingerie were not attractive, while the straight models in lingerie had favorable comments. This showed to me that the same women who had complained that the models should reflect a more realistic image or portrayal of “real women” maybe do not actually feel that way when they were confronted with the reality of a larger model, even if they do not realize it.

Later a few of us were invited to interview on camera; we were also taken shopping and given $125 to spend on whatever we wanted, and they came along and watched what we bought. I bought two tanks, two other tops and a jacket at Old Navy and a top and a necklace at Torrid. It was also interesting to see that when shopping many women were often selecting sizes smaller than what they needed.  If they felt they were a size 20, for example, and could not get into the 20, they would often not buy or even try it in a larger size.

After we were finished shopping I was asked to be a part of a longer termed study, which included keeping a fashion diary, and taking photographs of ourselves and whatever we chose while shopping or just in our daily lives. It was fun and interesting. After we were done keeping the diary and taking the photos we sent them to the advertising agency and they later returned them to us with compensation for participating. All in all it was a fun and eye-opening experience. I can definitely see how the images we are given in the media in plus-size fashion advertising are selected after first hand participation in this type of study.

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About the Author

Michelle Renee is a plus-size model in Los Angeles. She has modeled for many local companies such as The Greater L.A. Woman, Plus by Design, Zaftique, Big on Batik, and many more. She is represented by Peak Models and Talent, L.A. She is also an Early Childhood teacher in a private non-profit program.

Popularity: 29% [?]

Voluptuous? How to Measure for the Best Fitting Bra

Guest Contributor, Elegant Plus Magazine
To best present the girls in the most complimentary light, make sure they’re in the right brassiere. You know how that saying goes, if you got it, flaunt it! So, if you’ve been blessed with abundance, then by all means, don’t take your breasts for granted by hoisting them in plain Jane bras! They deserve sass! They deserve sexy! They deserve to be treated to fine lace and leopard print.

It’s true, the bigger your breasts are, the more difficult it is to find a bra that fits right. Sometimes the underwire pinches, or you spill a bit over the top. But never fear, there is always a solution!

First of all, let’s bring out the soft tape measure and do a private fitting. In front of a mirror, measure underneath your breasts. Starting at your cleavage, pass the tape measure behind your back and around to your front. This is your band size.

Next, move the tape up to your armpits and measure above your breast. Write that number down on a piece of paper. Now, measure your breast at nipple level. Subtract the number you wrote down from the nipple-around-and-back measurement, and voila! That’s your cup-size!

0 to 1/2″ AA cup

  1/2″ to 1″ A cup

  1″ to 2 1/2″ B cup

  2 1/2″ to 3 1/2″ C cup

  3 1/2″ to 4 1/2″ D cup

  4 1/2″ to 6″ DD (or E cup for some bras)

  6″ to 7″ DDD (or F cup for some bras)

  7″ to 8″ G cup

  8″ to 9″ GG cup

  9″ to 10″ H cup

  10″ to 11″ HH cup

  11″ to 12″ J cup

  12″ to 13″ JJ cup

Also, it’s good to note that along with our moods, our breast size fluctuates just a bit when Aunt Flo swings by for a visit. Regardless, like all clothes, if it doesn’t fit right, return it! Several online shops, such as HipsandCurves.com, offer great customer service and return policies. Be sure to check out these bras!

Popularity: 6% [?]

 Women, Self Esteem, Body Image and the Media

Musings from the Editor’s Chair, Elegant Plus Magazine

Images of women are everywhere in our media. Wildly unrealistic and unattainable idealized images, that is. While we are getting older and heavier as a population, those ideals are increasingly becoming younger and thinner.  Although advertising campaigns, such as the Dove Campaign for Real Beauty that sells beauty products with “average”, “real” models do exist and are successful in meeting company economic goals they are exceedingly rare. Most rely first on destroying our sense of self worth so that they can sell us the “cure”.  If you are never thin enough in your own mind, you are more likely to buy the latest fad diet book, plan or pill. If you are only attractive if you look under the age of 30 in your own mind, you are more likely to buy the latest wrinkle cream or hire the services of a cosmetic surgeon. And the list goes on and on of created markets through advertising.  The formula works so well that we have culturally internalized these standards. We are at a stage in our society where we do half the work for them with destructive self talk, value judgments on our peers, and barrages of criticism directed at our loved ones.  This self loathing is at an all time high and is poisoning our lives with a focus almost exclusively on the outer packaging.

While you’ve heard us speak before of paying attention to the messages you are broadcasting through appearance and dress, we advocate first focusing on the positives and then working with what you have, instead of chasing after what you don’t.   Fashion, style and dress in the realms of non-verbal communication is a tool to get you where you want to go. In our opinion, you control it. It should not control you.  What has changed for plus-size women in the last five years or so, is the availability of fashion tools and resources to take control of our personal message. More clothing than ever before is available in sizes larger than 14 - and it isn’t all black and/or a shapeless sack. Our heads and hearts, however, seem to be lagging behind the opportunities. And many of us don’t know how to take back control of the message. 

One of my colleagues always looks meticulous, beautiful, confident and radiates the kindness and intelligence for which she is known. Is she a size 2, 6 foot tall, blond, 25 year old? No. Does she understand fashion, style and using her assets for greatest impact? Absolutely. When she looks in the mirror does she make a mental list of all her flaws?  No, she’s checking to make sure her skirt hem is straight or that she doesn’t have lipstick on her teeth. Does she think about what she is wearing and how she looks after she walks out the door in the morning? Rarely, if ever.  

Once the business of getting dressed and putting herself together in the morning is accomplished her mind and day are filled with the important aspects of who she is.  In other words, the outer packaging, the polished appearance  - it’s an inside out proposition that lets people see how fabulous she is on first impression. It doesn’t run her life.  She doesn’t focus on the fact that she is a size 18, 5′5″, 45 year old and doesn’t look anything like the airbrushed models draped across magazine covers.  That’s not what fills her inner most thoughts and propels her through her day.  She does care about keeping healthy - eating whole foods, getting some exercise, finding things she likes about herself both inside and out, and spending time keeping her life in balance …. but not with the guilt ridden sense that she is never doing enough and that she is never good enough, that colors so many of our lives. Most women and men who know her think she’s one of the most beautiful people they’ve ever met.

That’s what a healthy, balanced view of  self and the world looks like. How close do you come to finding that sort of life?  Do you value yourself and others for inner qualities? Can you focus on the physical positives of anyone when you meet them, or only the negatives? How big a part does the advertising world and media environment play in your sense of self?  It’s something to think about.

Additional Resources

Below are some links to organizations and resources that track, examine and watch advertising, media and women:

• About Face
• Beauty and Body Image in the Media
• Jean Kilbourne: Specialist in Women in the Media
• Media Education Foundation
• Real Women Project

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