Kiss My Assets Column at Elegant Plus Magazine

Creating  Powerful Girls

by Dr. Robyn Silverman

It’s that time again. The diet commercials are in full force which can only mean two things; bathing suit season is right around the corner and nationwide body image is getting ready to plummet. Many adults worry that between all the talk about buff bodies and diet plans, girls will slip into a self esteem slump. How can we help girls to elevate their self worth without needing to go on and on about loving your body?

Confidence and self worth, both positive and negative, can influence how a person feels, thinks, and acts throughout childhood and adulthood. Those who have strong feelings of confidence and high self worth will feel more positive about themselves, think more positively, and act and behave more positively than those who have low self confidence and low self worth. In addition, girls with strong feelings of confidence and high self worth will like who they see in the mirror each day and know that they are worthy of love.

Girls are looking to the women in their lives to show them the ropes. Whether you are a parent, big sister, teacher, or friend of a girl, you can inspire girls to become confident in themselves by following these tips:

Help them to realize her unique gifts:

Everyone is talented or special in some way. While we are not all little Einsteins or mini- Monets, everyone has something to offer. Let her know that you appreciate their gifts. Allow her to show you what she can do—without doing it for her! She will get better with time. Hang up artwork, projects, or awards that exhibit these gifts so that your child knows that you value her special talents. Creating a Wall of Fame will allow her to see all of her accomplishments.

Be present:

When a girl is sharing new knowledge or new gifts, pay attention! This is the time to shut off the TV and the cell phone. When you do this, she will know that she is important and worthy of your undivided attention.

Don’t over-praise:

You can let her know that she is special without over-praising. Not everything she does is worthy of the Wall of Fame. She can’t always be super, perfect and fantastic. When you praise a girl when praise is due, she will know you are being genuine and that she has really done a good job.

Be a RAD role model (Reliable, Accountable, and Dependable):

While you may not always be available when she needs you, create a pattern of responsiveness and responsibility. Be on time, be reliable, and follow through with what you say you are going to do. When you are a RAD role model, she will know that she can count on you and that she is worthy of your follow through. She will also learn what it means to be a positive role model to others.

Praise effort:

It may be easy to focus on a high mark on a paper or a gold medal, but it’s really important to praise effort instead of results. When a girl knows that she has worked hard and that hard work is praised, she will likely keep putting in the effort to make the accomplishment. When we are results driven, failure can stop us in our tracks and make us give up for fear of failing once again.

When we take the time to instill confidence in girls, they become a little bit stronger everyday. Then they can call upon that strength when they are feeling low or bombarded with negative, body-bashing messages. The strength of positive mentors carries on even when you’re not around!

Until next time (and the next 5 tips)!

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About the Author

Dr. Robyn J.A. Silverman is a Massachusetts-based child and adolescent development specialist and body image expert whose programs and services are used worldwide. She is also a success coach for parents and educators, who are looking to achieve their goals, improve their lives or improve the lives of others. She is a writer and professional speaker who presents to PTAs, schools, businesses and organizations that focus on children or families. Interested in doing some coaching with Dr. Robyn or having Dr. Robyn present a seminar at your school or business? Go to DrRobynSilverman.com for more information.

Popularity: 14% [?]

Elena Miro:  Fall/Winter 2008-09

by Elegant Plus Magazine

It wasn’t so long ago that the fashion world was in an uproar over too skinny models, body image and eating disorders.   But, as is typical with such fads in the fashion world such healthy concern in setting good examples for young girls has gone by the wayside and pursuit of the elusive, perfect size 0 model continues.

This makes all the more extra-ordinary the showing of the Elena Miro collection during Milan’s Fashion week on February 16, 2008.  A regular in the Milan line-up, Italian designer Elena Miro is not only noteworthy in the use of full-figured models (womanly and well-proportioned but not fat), but also in the design of plus-size fashion.

The Fall/Winter 2008-09 collection continues styles seen this past winter season and is characterized by lush berry ripe purples and reds,  European black in menswear inspired styles softened by lady-like details, and fabrics with soft luster and sheen.

Popularity: 28% [?]

 By Jeanne Rust, Phd, Guest Author for Elegant Plus Magazine

What can we do to begin to combat the messages we get from the media including magazines and television?

How can we make a difference in the world and begin to teach people to respect who we are as a person on the inside rather than what we look like on the outside?

When am I going to say, This is enough! I am going to refuse to pay attention to what other people think when they judge how I look. I am going to refuse to give away my power to a society that worships a handful of super models who use airbrushed photos!

The PBS website has a marvelous article called Perfect Illusions. The beginning paragraph states, One of the ways we can protect our self-esteem and body image from the often narrow definitions of beauty and acceptability is to become a critical viewer of the messages we are bombarded with each day. Media messages about body shape affect the way we feel about our bodies and ourselves only if we let them! When we recognize and analyze the media messages that influence us, we remember that the definitions of beauty and success do not have to define our self-image or potential. We must use our creative minds to view all media with a discriminating eye. All media images and messages are things that are made up. They are not reflections of reality. Advertisements are created to do one thing: convince you to buy or support a specific product or service. We see what advertisers want us to see to convince us to buy a specific product or service. Advertisers often will make up an emotional experience that looks like reality. Just because they think their approach will work with you, it does not mean it has to work with you! As individuals we decide how we want to experience media messages. We can choose whether we want to think or believe the message. We can use a filter that protects our self-esteem and body image. (I like to put on my super-dooper protective bubble!)

1. When you see an ad or hear a message that makes you feel bad about yourself, your body, or others by promoting only thin, formulaic body ideals, talk back to the TV and advertiser by writing a letter.

2. Make a list of companies who consistently send negative body image messages and make a conscious effort to avoid buying their products.

3. Write them a letter explaining why you are using your buying power to protest their messages.

4. Get your friends and/or students at your school or work to join you. There is power in a grass-roots movement.

5. You can tear out the ads you find offensive and send them to the advertiser with the message: I do not want them.

6. Consumers have much more influence with corporations than we realize. Corporations are so competitive with each other in todays world as they fight to get our attention. They have to be flexible and responsive so just a few people raising their voices can make a huge difference. We can look upon this as seed planting. Our seeds will sprout and grow. it might take some time but we can make a beginning in changing our culture!

We can be strong and change the world in which we live!

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Jeanne Rust, PhD is the CEO and Founder of Mirasol, a treatment program for women and teens with anorexia, bulimia, obesity, and binge eating disorder. Her treatment philosophy is integrative combining the best of the medical model of treatment with the most effective alternative ones. Learn more about eating disorders at http://www.mirasol.net

Reprinted with Peremission from: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Jeanne_Rust,_Phd
http://EzineArticles.com/?6-Ways-to-Combat-the-Medias-Body-Image-Message&id=827128

Popularity: 20% [?]

Fitting in While Standing Out:
7 Tips to Cope with your Child’s Need to be “Perfect” in a Win-at-All-Costs World

by Dr. Robyn Silverman, Kiss My Assets Columnist for Elegant Plus Magazine

It was one of those moments when your mouth just hangs open. Joanne, mother of Tina, age 6, wrote to me in disbelief. “My daughter’s cheerleading coach told her that she needs to slim down if she wants to be a winner. Tina just cried. When I spoke to the coach she told me, ‘these girls need to be able to fit into these cute little outfits. (She showed me one). There is nothing cute about bulges and bumps on six year old girls…even if you call it baby fat.”

Sports can be a wonderful way for children to grow, learn, and develop as individuals, teammates, and leaders. But as parents, coaches, and educators we need to be very careful. Our weight-related behaviors, assumptions, and comments can have an incredible effect on a child’s body esteem, health, and long term feelings of self worth. Both boys and girls of every weight group can be affected.

With girls, involvement in aesthetic sports like gymnastics, figure skating, cheerleading, dance, and swimming, can have an impact on a child’s body esteem if coaches or parents are insensitive about looks and weight. Attire can be revealing, competition can invite body-oriented comments, involvement can be contingent on “fitting” a certain stereotype, and high scores can be dependant on body size and weight. 

Plenty of parents have come to me after their instructor told them that their child didn’t have the right body for ballet or the coach told them that “chubby girls don’t win competitions.” Others have told me of the embarrassment their children face when their weights are posted in front of everyone in the spirit of “dieting by peer pressure.”

Girls have complained about their fear of getting their period because they feel that their chosen sport frowns upon curves and breasts. Many admit to weight loss strategies even at a young age. Pressure to “fit in” to the perfect body standard can be linked to improper dieting, over-exercising, delayed physical maturation, laxative use, purging (vomiting), and eating disorders. 

Boys can suffer from poor body esteem just like girls. Involvement in weight class competition sports like wrestling and boxing, contact sports like football or hockey, or weight sensitive sports like cycling or running can invite body scrutiny. A child might learn from teammates that rapid weight loss is customary in preparation for a weight-class-based competition. Boys participating in contact sports might feel pressure to “bulk up.” Still others involved in weight sensitive sports like cycling or running, in which low weight can give you a competitive-edge, may feel pressure to senselessly diet or use performance-enhancing drugs to keep up. Some coaches may not know what’s going on or simply choose to turn the other way.

As parents, what can we do?

1. Evaluate your own thoughts: Do you have a “win-at-all-costs” attitude? If so, you may be sending a message to your child that s/he needs to do whatever it takes to win, even if that means unnecessary dieting, bulking up, or using performance-enhancing drugs. Keep winning in perspective and remember the real reason your child is involved in sports.
2. Talk to your child: Be sure s/he understands your feelings about winning-at-all-costs and the dangers that can invite. Put “perfect” in perspective. Let your child know that if s/he ever feels pressured to alter his or her body in any way, to come talk to you.
3. Interview the coach: Whether you are dealing with an after-school program or an in-school extra-curricular, you have a right to interview the coach privately. You might ask the coach about his or her opinions regarding weight, weigh-ins, dieting, uniforms, winning, puberty, nutrition, performance-enhancing drugs, and coaching philosophy. How does s/he convey his or her views to the children?
4. Build character: If you start teaching character-building skills while your children young, they will take those lessons of self-respect, assertiveness, leadership, and confidence with them into any activity they do. Teach these lessons at home and find a sports program or activity program that integrates character education into their lesson plans each week. This way, your children will understand that sports are more about building character than about fitting into the ideal body type.
5. Avoid Comparisons: As parents and coaches we need to be careful of comparing our children’s body shapes and weights to others. Our children should be focused on making themselves better rather than being thinner or more muscular than someone else. Every child matures at a different rate. Maturation invites weight gain that is both normal and healthy. When we compare our children based on body size and shape it can be both hurtful and destructive.
6. Talk to a doctor: If a coach has asked a child to get on a special diet of any kind, speak to your pediatrician or pediatric nutritionist. Children need a certain number of calories, protein, fluid intake, carbohydrate, and vitamins for normal growth and health.
7. Ensure developmental sensitivity: If your pubescent daughter is involved with an activity in which the “perfect body” for competition is thought to be a prepubescent one, be sure that her coach is sensitive to normal maturation changes. Similarly, if your son is involved in a sport in which the “ideal body” is a mature muscular one, be sure that the coach is sensitive to varying rates of growth and body types. How is body size and shape handled in these situations? How are children made to feel when it comes to these maturational factors that they can not control?

There is a wide array of sports and activities for children of all ages. Many sports and after-school centers offer wonderful programs with long-lasting benefits. A great coach can be a mentor, a friend, a leader, and an inspiration. However, children are impressionable. Even subtle messages about weight and shape in these athletic arenas can impact our children’s behavior, body esteem and feelings of self worth. Doing a little preventative homework and being clear about your own views can ensure a positive experience for everyone.

© Dr. Robyn Siliverman: Please do not reprint in any form - electronic or print - without permission from the author.

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This article first appeared in Baystate Parent Magazine . Reprinted with permission at Elegant Plus Magazine.

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About the Author

Dr. Robyn J.A. Silverman is a Massachusetts-based child and adolescent development specialist and body image expert whose programs and services are used worldwide. She is also a success coach for parents and educators, who are looking to achieve their goals, improve their lives or improve the lives of others. She is a writer and professional speaker who presents to PTAs, schools, businesses and organizations that focus on children or families. Interested in doing some coaching with Dr. Robyn or having Dr. Robyn present a seminar at your school or business? Go to DrRobynSilverman.com for more information.

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Popularity: 16% [?]