Change in the Air

Hello Gorgeous Self-Esteem Column by Lisa Klobucar at Elegant Plus Magazine

The fall breezes are blowing again and that means it’s time for a change. There are only three months left in 2007. Before long snow will be flying and Christmas songs will be jingling.

This time last year I wrote in my column how I wanted, needed a change in my life. Well lo and behold a year later lots of changes have occurred for me and my family.

First, I met someone in the summer of 2006, fell in love and became engaged. However, this was not a union to last. After nearly a year I ended the engagement and the relationship. While this was a wonderful guy he just was not the one for me. Now, don’t worry, love will come to my life again. But I am glad I realized that this relationship/marriage wasn’t going to work before I said, “I do.”

Now, my girls and I did end up relocating. No, not out of state but to another part of the same state. I had been contemplating a move to New Mexico. But we ended up staying here in Michigan. We bought our first home and happily relocated to a new community, new school and new friends.

While moving can be a trying and exhausting undertaking in itself, my girls and I actually enjoyed cleaning packing and moving. There is something very liberating in purging your space of clutter and junk. My girls were awesome at sorting and packing. I would not have been able to move as efficiently as I did if my girls were not so helpful.

The move was just what we all needed. A change of scenery, and a change in the way of life we were living. My girls love the new house and we have been busy discovering parks and of course place’s to shop. Talk about a boost in self-esteem, a positive move can make some huge differences in how you see yourself.

It takes confidence and determination to relocate your family. I moved about 60 miles north of where I used to live. I left some very good friends, whom I do miss. But despite phone calls and emails, those so-called friends are not willing to come out for a visit or even keep up with the emails and such. So I have had to let those friends go. It hurts but you move on. I have actually made or reacquainted myself with some friends who live on this side of town.

I made some promises to myself after the move. I wanted to take some time and do some things just for me , whether it is taking a class or working on crafts. Moving is all about change, and I always look at change being a good thing. Since moving some very good changes have taken place. First of all love has entered my life again. I am currently seeing someone who has been in my life for awhile. My girls are doing great in their new school and they are making friends as well.

Overall, yes, I recommend moving. Whether it’s for a professional or personal satisfaction. Yes, moving can boost your self-esteem. As I mentioned earlier, it takes confidence and determination to relocate to a new area. You have to be willing to put yourself out there and meet new people and make new friends. If you are feeling stagnate in your job or in your home, a move can give you a whole new outlook on yourself and your life.

There is no time like the present, so get moving!

Popularity: 9% [?]

Stilettos and Curves Traveling Plus-Size Fashion Show
Whistle-Stop: Detroit, Michigan

by Lisa Klobucar,  Hello Gorgeous! Self-Esteem Columnist at Elegant Plus Magazine

Curvy, rubenesque, voluptuous and zaftig are all words to describe the fuller figure. I had the good fortune to attend a fashion show Sunday night (October 21, 2007) at the Cobo Center in Detroit, Michigan that celebrated women who embodied those words: the “Stilettos and Curves” fashion show. Not your average fashion show, Stilettos and Curves is part of a growing grass-roots self-esteem movement across the United States that marries fashion with plus-size models to show big girls can, do, and deserve to look fabulous.  It joins the likes of the pioneering Hips, Heels and Curves Tour from DeVoe Signature Events out of New York City, the Simply Couture Tour out of Los Angeles, and the Divabetic Tour, to name just a few, that are criss-crossing the country, plus numerous local and regional shows that are shouting this positive message from the catwalks. Mo’Nique may have taken the movement sleek and Hollywood style with her enormously popular Fat Chance televised plus model boot camp and competition, but this type of urban event is where it all started.  This wasn’t just a simple fashion show, it was a fashion EVENT!

To see gorgeous, big girls, not just walking the runway but strutting their stuff in glamorous, well fitting and stunning clothes was truly exciting. These ladies knew they looked great and their confidence showed in the way they came down that runway. Outfit after outfit was presented on models of varying sizes and shapes, none smaller than a curvaceous size 14 with sizes as large as 30, while every shape of curves from apple to pear was dressed to kill. No matter the outfit or the model it was a celebration of curves. No wafer thin, “Twiggy’s” on this runway! This was a runway for the woman of size, substance, and style.

This wonderful fashion extravaganza was presented by the Full Figured Diva Academy. Who knew that there was a place to celebrate the “Diva” in all of us?

Plus models strut their stuff at the Stilettos and Curves Fashion Show

The Show

The sell-out crowd was an awesome mix of men, women and children. They were all charged and ready to see this show. Once the lights dimmed, the clapping started even before the first model had appeared on the stage. There were two little boys there cheering on their mom as she walked the runway. Deafening enthusiasm washed around me as the models came out. Cheers, shouts, whoops and whistles were the order of the evening, both in appreciation of the fashions being shown and for the models themselves.

The fashion show featured clothing from local stores, so the outfits were very accessible and affordable for anyone attending. Most of the stores were all very familiar big name brands like Lane Bryant, Torrid and Ashley Stewart to name a few. In every color of the rainbow, the clothing styles ranged from business attire, to casual weekend wear. There was even a section on formal evening wear. I saw several dresses that I would love to wear for some holiday gala or New Year’s Eve party.

While there were outfits that could easily run into the hundreds of dollars, there were also plenty of outfits for every size and budget imaginable. The fact that all the Divas were various shapes and sizes brought home the point of there is a outfit for every size. One of the models, Relita Clarke, has been a runway model for six years and she’s always been a plus model.  She told me, “I love being in an organization where everyone looks like me and to have that empowerment is a wonderful thing. We are trying to send the fashion industry a message. A message that not only thin women can do this.”

The one thing that really stood out with Stilettos and Curves Fashion Show was that each model wore colors that complimented her. In the big runway shows you never see that kind of nod to reality. The designers usually put the models in whatever fits best, applies make-up, and doesn’t worry about color. This show took the time to showcase clothes that put the models in the best light not only for the styles being displayed but for them personally, just like real women in the audience who were looking to them for inspiration ought to do.

For this big girl sitting in the audience and watching these women walk down the runway I felt exhilarated and inspired. The Divas looked great and they knew it, it showed on their faces. The audience loved the way the models looked as it was hardly ever quiet with clapping and shouts of encouragement throughout the hour and a half show. I have to admit after watching the Divas come down the runway, I felt the need to strut my stuff as I walked out the door.  I think their mission was accomplished.

    
All shapes of curves shown in casual and eveningwear

The Women Behind the Show

Natasha Bryson, 30, is the director of the “Diva Academy” and she also runs Gemini Modeling and Talent Group in Baltimore, Maryland. Natasha has graced the runway in many shows and is not your typical big girl. In fact she is not a big girl at all. She’s an extremely slender woman, but she’s in our corner. Natasha’s recognition for the need of big girl fashions prompted her to open the Full Figured Diva Academy several years ago. The Diva Academy includes a four week boot camp for aspiring models and women who just want to learn to strut their stuff and improve their confidence and fashion sense. Like most plus-size fashion and model boot camps, Diva’s are taught to not only walk the runway but also how to wear the clothes and how to walk confidently in 3 inch heels. Also included are makeup and hair tips that can be applied to your everyday life, not just on the runway.

I asked Natasha how she finds her Divas?  “Our advertising is pretty much a grass roots effort with email and radio spots, and of course word of mouth. Many of our Divas have come to us from friends of friends.”  The success of such methods was all around me Sunday night with a packed, sold-out show  which truly speaks of the hunger and demand for such shows in opposition to our “thin is in” culture. Natasha ‘s attitude in regards to all women shows when she says things like, “My goal is to have women feel good about themselves no matter their size. I feel that you have to work with what you have been given and improve on yourself from there.” Following up on the self-esteem message of these grass-root shows, Diva Tammara Zanders (Sponsorship Coordinator) added, “we are striving for a consistent presence not only in fashion but in ourselves.”

Don’t think that all these women do is walk the runway, they all have careers outside of the Academy too. For example, Kimberly Badru is one of the original Divas. She has been with the Full Figured Diva Academy for three years, but she is also the director of a catering company. Kimberly became involved with the Diva’s not only for herself but to give her daughter a positive role model. She wants to show her daughter that she can be and do anything she sets her mind to in life.

    
Trendy business wear and classic evening
styles come down the runway

The Tour

The Full Figured Diva Academy is currently on tour showcasing “Stilettos and Curves.” The tour has been to Pennsylvania, Virginia and Michigan. The next stop on the tour is Maryland. While in Maryland they will hold a four week, two hours a day boot camp and then present the fashion show with the local Divas who attended the boot camp as well as the national Diva’s who travel with the show.

So are you ready to be a Diva? Or maybe you just want to check out the next fashion show. You can find out more information by clicking here.

Popularity: 34% [?]

Real women with Real bodies in the Dove Campaign for Real Beauty

“I’m So With You on That. I am Too Fat” or A Mother’s View of Body Image from the Trenches

by Lisa Klobucar, Elegant Plus Magazine “Hello Gorgeous! Learning to Love Your Curves” Columnist

Poof! Summer’s over, did you enjoy it? The summer fun, the trips to the pools and parks? The family reunions, cookouts and fireworks…. I hope so, because it’s time for books, homework and of course Christmas is just around the corner. But that’s a whole other column.

In June, long before September makes her grand entrance I start planning and thinking about the upcoming school year. As a divorced mom of two girls I have always made it a staple of my house to show and instill in my girls the importance of a healthy self-esteem. Since children spend about 75% of their time at school with teachers and friends, it’s important that my girls know that they are loved; and, when they look in the mirror that they love what they see looking back a them too. I want them to feel secure with themselves. As we all know, peer pressure can change a child’s whole outlook not just about school but more importantly about how they see and project themselves.

During the summer something interesting happened. My house became the, “it” house. You know, the house where all the kids like to hang out. How and why this happened, who knows? My girls and I live in a small three bedroom townhouse. However, at any given point in time during the summer I had at least one or more extra children in my house. Now I am not some cool, easy going, laid back mom. My girls will tell you I am rather strict. Yet there are several little girls who have no problem being in my home, not only visiting and playing with my girls, but cleaning and straightening up the messes they make.

One very hot and fun filled weekend I had four giggling, “ohh he’s cute, let’s wear the same color” girls in my house. I was in a grocery store with my tribe, half-listening to them laugh and banter, discuss likes/dislikes about who is cute (by the way, Johnny Depp is hot all four agreed).  Suddenly one of the girls who is ten years old said, ” I need to lose ten pounds.” Then my eleven year old states, “I am so with you on that. I am too fat.” I stopped dead in my tracks, grocery cart and all, as all four girls promptly walked into me.

I turned and looked at them. All four are different, shapes, sizes, colors… all beautiful, smiling and for the most part happy. I looked at the two oldest girls and asked, “Why do you think you are fat and need to lose weight?” I was very interested to hear what their answers might be, especially since one of the two who thought she was fat was my own child. The ten year old stated that her mother was always lamenting to her and whoever else would listen that she (the mom) was too fat and needed to lose ten pounds. I immediately saw that the mother of this child had transferred her own poor self image onto her child, a child that was and is still growing and developing.

I then asked my own daughter, why she thought she was fat. My daughter asked if she and could talk about it later. I said, “Of course, “  making sure that they all knew I wasn’t upset, just very interested in their answers. Later that evening as the girls were getting ready to go to sleep for the night, my daughter came into my room and we talked. She said that she didn’t think she was fat, but she wanted to support her friend. She said that her friend is always complaining about her weight. Now I will have you know that the ten year old is thin and wears a girls size 12, all very right for her body and size. My daughter however, trying to be a good friend and be supportive thought that agreeing with her friend on being fat would somehow ease the ten year old’s dislike of herself.

The next day after all the girls had gone home, I asked my daughter, “What do you see when you look in the mirror?” Of course I get the, “Oh mom, do I have to answer this now” statement. But she walked to the full length mirror in the hall and said, “I’m cute. I have great hair, a dazzling smile.”  I asked her, do you really think you are fat? My daughter said, “No” but she went on to add that she has seen kids who are built smaller than she is get teased because of their weight.

This school year my oldest enters junior high. This will certainly be a test of wills for both my daughter and myself. Girls around this time tend to change, due to hormones and other developments that are going on. Cliques come into play. The issue of being popular also starts to rear it’s head. And we cannot forget that boys start to notice girls and vice versa. My daughter’s sense of self will be tested, I am sure. While I have done my best to prepare my daughter for what may or may not happen. In the end it will be up to her to decide how she will handle and carry herself with her peers. I have always been a big girl. I was a BBW, before the term BBW was even brought into existence. If nothing else, I believe that as a parent I lead by example. I have always let my girls see me as I am -  a beautiful, confident woman with no self deprecation in constant fat, diet and weight-loss talk.  I think that is one of the best things I can do  to let them know that no one body is “perfect” and that is OK.  I also have faith in my oldest. She is like me in many respects. The girl has chutzpah and moxy, OY!

Popularity: 37% [?]

Hello Gorgeous: Self Esteem and Love, Part I
by Lisa Klobucar, Regular Contributing Author of Elegant Plus Magazine

Well, “Hello Gorgeous!” and I really do mean that. So it’s been a few months. You have been loving and complimenting yourself in that lovely mirror I suggested you go out and get. You are not only believing you are wonderful, but it’s exuding from your very existence. So what’s next you ask? Well now comes the time to allow others in your world to admire and perhaps love the new inner you. 

Perhaps you have a special someone in your life. Have they noticed a change in you lately? Has that person been a positive influence in making sure your self esteem changes are what you what to see. The people in your life affect who you are and how you act. So if you have a boy/girl friend or family members that are on your butt for everything you do and that input is nothing but negative, then that impact is going to weigh in on you and your self esteem. 

You are making sure your needs are being met. You are providing yourself with the self love and self acceptance you need to be fulfilled. However, let’s face it, we have friends and family members that because things aren’t going well in their lives will try and make you feel bad. And if you are a big girl or guy, you are an easy target for those people. 

So what do you do? You want to let someone in your life that loves and appreciates your big wonderful self. How do you do that? One, know who you are. Know what you like and what you want in a potential mate, significant other. Do not allow someone family or not to enter your life and change you. Be comfortable enough with yourself to put your foot down and say, “hey this is me, love me or leave me and if you go it’s your loss.”

We are all a constant work in progress, growing, maturing and changing all the time. So your needs in a mate/significant other are bound to change as well. It’s recognizing and accepting the changes that signal the signs of maturity and growth. 

Dealing with family that won’t or can’t accept you as you are, what to do?….distance yourself and quickly. Now before you say, “I can’t do that” I am here to say, “Yes you can”. While it is your family, you also deserved to be treated with and talked to in a respectful manner. Your mother comes at you with, “you would be so much cuter if you ____________ (fill in the blank), your brother says, “ya know if you had a better___________(fill in the blank) you would be much happier. Aunt Louise, “have you tried that new diet, I bet it will work for you” STOP, put on the breaks. While these people may love you, they are also hurting you. Why? Because, they can and you let them. Trust me, your mom will stop with the remarks if you don’t let her get to you. The moment she starts in on you, change the subject. Or just tell her that you are hurting my feelings and I don’t like it. Letting people know that they are hurting you is never a bad thing. It’s when you continue to accept the hurt and it begins to manifests itself into something or someone you don’t like. 
 

So here are some tips for letting love in and dealing with family while keeping that growing positive self esteem. 
 

1. When a family member or significant other says something hurtful or negative, call them on it immediately. Don’t wait or settle for another time, deal with it when it happens.

1. Realize that some folks are just going to be nasty and negative no matter what role they play in your life. Maybe Aunt Louise is hurting and to take away her hurt she lashes out at you. Well you are no one’s whipping tool. Tell Aunt Louise or anyone that attacks you to get some medication and a 12-step program.

1. If your mate is constantly berating you, think about it. Would your life be significantly better without this person? What does this person bring to your life that you feel you can’t live without (and no, good sex does NOT count)

1. When you meet a special someone that you want in your life, show them who you are. Let that someone know they have indeed found a good man/woman. You indeed are a “catch” and should show it.

1. Above all, believe in yourself you are worth it.

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Hello Gorgeous!  Learning to Love Your Curves
Debut: Ringing in the New You
by Lisa Klobucar, Regular Contributing Author at Elegant Plus Magazine

Happy New Year and welcome to, “Hello Gorgeous!”- Learning to Love your Curves Self Esteem column.

I know the first thing you are thinking, “yeah, yeah, a good self-esteem is a must have.” All I have to say is, “DAMN SKIPPY” it is. Your self-esteem is just as important as what you put on each day. Your self-esteem is not only what you think about yourself, but what you BELIEVE about yourself!

Trust me, whether you realize it or not, your face does tell a thousand tales and you may not always be aware or conscious of the stories you are telling. Oh sure, if your feet hurt, that shows on your face, or if you have a headache that is very obvious. But what if your soul is aching? What if your heart just can’t handle another rejection or blow. That shows on your face as well.

No, I do not have some magic pill that will make everything all better, no one does. However, I can offer some wonderful suggestions that will not only have you feeling better, but believing that you are worth every breath you take and then some.

So it’s a new year. First things first, my resolution is…NO MORE RESOLUTIONS. That’s right just toss that list that you made last night away. My motto is, “New Year-New Attitude”.

To get that healthy self loving glow you need to start by looking in the mirror each day. However, instead of criticizing or belittling what you see, praise yourself. Go ahead, smile, I promise it won’t hurt or break the mirror. Looking at yourself in a mirror and liking what you see isn’t being conceited. It’s when you tell others to look at you and give you compliments, now that’s being conceited. Look at your eyes how they shine. Look at your skin, look at yourself and know that you like what you see.

Here are some tips to start you on your way to self-loving who you are:

1. Invest in a hand-held mirror or a full length mirror. Look in that mirror everyday and give yourself a compliment and start your day on a positive note.

2. If you own a cell-phone program a compliment to yourself so that each time you turn your phone on you feel good. My message on my phone really does say, “Hello Gorgeous” when I turn my phone on.

3. Touch yourself (no, not like that), caress your body, give yourself a hug, feel your skin, become comfortable not only in but with your skin.

4. Above all else, SMILE. Your lovely face is what we see first.

Popularity: 6% [?]