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Originally published at Elegant Plus in 2006 by an eye-witness to the World Trade Center bombing, we are re-posting this inspirational piece as the country prepares to remember 9-11 and the events at Ground Zero.

Karma Trouble?

by Elegant Plus Magazine Inspirational Living Columnist, Rev. ReBecca Ames Sala

On the way home from a Mission Heritage trip in New York City in mid-October, I was staring out the window of the bus as we drove up 1^st Avenue and noticed a big red sign with the word “Karma”. It must have been one of the many restaurants or clubs in the city. And, right next to it was an ACME Hardware store with the word “TROUBLE?” written in big red letters. 

Karma Trouble? I burst out laughing when I saw the signs. And then I thought how perfectly fitting to see those words at an end of an incredibly emotional day as I integrated my past and present together. 

Karma

According to Wikipedia, Karma comes from the Sanskrit, meaning “to do” or action, effect, destiny and is generally taken as a term that comprises the entire cycle of cause and effect. Karma is a sum of all that an individual has done, is currently doing and will do. Karma is not about retribution, vengeance, punishment or reward. Karma simply deals with what is. The effects of all deeds actively create past, present and future experiences, thus making one responsible for one’s own life, and the pain and joy it brings to others. In religions that incorporate re-incarnation, karma extends through one’s present life and all past and future lives as well.

Personally, I experience karma trouble when I stop the process of meshing all the experiences of my life together. Have you ever done that? Locked painful memories in a neat, separate little box inside your head and hope that you lose the key? Just like car trouble, you can ignore the sound that the engine is making, or the brakes that squeal, but eventually you will end up stranded on the side of the road wondering, what happened? 

All of us are made up of the experiences, both good and bad, that have happened to us. It is an extraordinary gift to be able to see and to hold the positive value of every experience and how it has shaped our lives. 

Ground Zero

One unexpected part of the mission bus itinerary that took me completely unawares was a visit to Ground Zero, the site of the World Trade Center. Back in 2001, I worked a very short distance from the World Trade Center and was an eye-witness to some of the horrific events that unfolded on that fateful and tragic day as I got off the subway on my way to work. A few months after 9/11 happened, I passed the site  and saw people laughing, taking pictures and then asking each other if they wanted to go to Macy’s next? Just like nothing mind-numbingly awful had happened just three months before. Seeing that lack of gravity and respect from visitors was so upsetting to me, I decided I couldn’t go back to the site….. E-V-E-R. 

And there the experience and raging emotion and anger stayed locked, in its nice, tight little box… except, of course, when it leaked.

When I found out the bus would be going to Ground Zero, it gave me pause. And then I looked around at my fellow mission travelers and realized this visit was a pilgrimage for me. It was a part of my karma, a way to integrate the life I led in the fast paced financial world five years ago with the one I have now, living my spiritual call as a chaplain and ordained minister. Individuals who were deeply spiritual and compassionate surrounded me. Their supportive presence allowed me to visit the site and move through and come to an acceptance of what is - both past and present - in my own way to become whole in the future. The experience was moving, surreal and the crowds somehow seemed to me much more respectful then they had been five years ago, although in reality they were probably just the same. It became a pilgrimage of reverence and remembrance of that day, and all the days after. This act of re-visitation, reflection and release allowed me to make peace with a city that I love and had called home for many years. 

The Karmic Healing Process

Just before I sat down to finish writing this column, I was watching the nightly news and heard that the Amish families who lost their little girls to another traumatic act of violence had received over a million dollars in donations. Even more extra-ordinary is that they have decided to share that money with the widow and children of the man who had taken the lives of their own children. I am moved beyond words by their act of forgiveness and grace in the midst of such suffering. Although Christian, they are exemplifying the concept of a karmic life by embracing the reality of what is, simple and immutable, in a way that won’t cripple their own souls in the future or continue the cycle of damage from what is already done. Even though “karma” as a word is Eastern, it is a concept found in many world religions and teachings. Through the example of the Amish, we can all learn a thing or two about faith and forgiveness as taught in our own traditions. 

As we approach the holiday of Thanksgiving, take a moment to reflect on what pasts you are holding on to… wrongs you have not forgiven … pain that you have neglected….. your own assortment of karma troubles. And then, find a way to embrace them, hold them and integrate them into your life as it is now. I realize that what I am suggesting is difficult and painful, but I invite us all to take that first step to healing, even if it is a baby step. Try it out and see how it feels. Buddhism teaches that while pain is inevitable, suffering is optional because it is in how we handle the difficult situations in our life that defines us. Each and every past and present experience - good or bad - is valid and authentic and is to be woven into the tapestry of your life. The manner in which  these shape your future life depends on how well you embrace and integrate them.

It is appropriate, even necessary to celebrate the role that karma plays out in our daily lives, no matter what our religious affiliations. By intentionally listening to ourselves and others, positively acting on and embracing in the present what is done and beyond our control in the past, we can prevent our own future break-downs and suffering on the road called Life.

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ELEGANT PLUS CONTENT TAGS:Activism, Advice, Back to School, BBW, Beauty, body image, body types, Confidence, Guest Article, Health, Life, obesity, parenting, Plus Size, self esteem, Size Acceptance, Teens women

Fat… So? 

Human beings come in all sizes.  How can we promote health …. and size-acceptance in our schools?

by  Camille Jackson of Tolerance.org
Reprinted with permission at Elegant Plus Magazine

As the “War on Obesity” heats  up, in schools across the country kids who are heavier than their classmates experience size bias and even outright bullying from peers and adults.  And, school health programs can sometimes hurt more than they help. Experts from the size-acceptance community, whose views are often omitted from health debates, offer a fresh perspective: eat healthy foods, stay active, and don’t worry about your weight and size.

Article title based on Marilyn Wann’s book,     Fat! So? Because You Don’t Have to Apologize for Your Size

 ”I’m the biggest in my family and I have the best cholesterol and blood sugar,” announces Kevin, a junior at Sequoia High School in Redwood City, Calif. He has just walked an extra-long distance for a late lunch of salad topped with grilled chicken strips and ranch dressing, followed by chocolate chip cookies. He came to the school’s Teen Resource Center to make a point about stereotypes.

“I play three sports, I ride my bike, I walk everywhere and I’m still the same size,” he says, insisting his health is better than some of his thinner classmates.

Looking at his larger-than-average size, some doubt Kevin is as healthy as he claims. But Marlene Schwartz, co-director of the Yale Center for Eating and Weight Disorders, says it’s quite likely Kevin’s weight may not negatively affect his health.

“I believe if a child is eating a nutritionally balanced diet and is active, if he or she has a higher BMI [body mass index], it doesn’t matter,” says Schwartz.

Schwartz routinely hears people say, “If only fat people worked harder, they would lose weight.” But she and others challenge the hysteria surrounding the global “obesity epidemic,” which defines 17 percent of children age 2 to 19 as overweight.

Paul Campos, author of The Obesity Myth, argues that Americans are, in general, only 15 pounds heavier than they were 20 years ago. It is public health standards, not our bodies, that have changed, becoming more rigid in defining the majority of Americans as “overweight.”

That news is small consolation for students subjected to harassment and prejudice, sometimes unrelentingly, from peers and teachers because they are heavier than others. Many have been frightened into hating their bodies by grim medical reports about childhood obesity. Too many believe that dieting is the only solution, even though study after study shows dieting doesn’t work.

Michael Loewy, a psychology professor at the University of North Dakota, paints an unsettling picture in his essay Working with Fat Children in Schools: “It is amazing that so many fat children survive adolescence, given the hatred and meanness directed at them.”

‘I Put Myself Down’

At Sequoia High School’s Teen Resource Center, Dana Schuster, a speaker with the Health at Every Size program, has gathered a group of students to discuss how the war on obesity has taken a toll on their self-esteem.

“In my family they tell me, ‘You’d look nice if you were smaller,’” says Celia, 15.

“I think I put myself down more than anyone,” adds Rachel, 18, referring to the negative thoughts filling her head about her size.

One girl says she’s more confident and accepting of herself now that she’s in high school, yet she’s just finished a juice fast, essentially starving herself. “I felt good. I lost the 10 pounds,” she says.

Naomi, 16, listens quietly to other students’ comments about the frustrations of gym class and clothes shopping. Then she says simply, “It hurts when you weigh a lot.”

Victims of size discrimination often suffer from depression, anxiety and loneliness. They may also suffer from low self-esteem, voluntarily serving as the butt of jokes — the stereotypical funny fat kid.

“If they say things to you, it doesn’t matter,” says Max, one of two boys in the group, shrugging his shoulders. Max says he responds to insults with humor.

Naomi does, too. But she also has a more straightforward comeback: “I tell them, ‘It’s my body; if you don’t like it, don’t look at it.’”

ALL sizes

Children learn anti-fat attitudes from many sources, including adults who talk negatively about their own bodies or who allow size-based teasing to go unchecked.

“A lot of people who don’t have this [size] difference aren’t aware how painful it can be,” says Frances Berg, a nutritionist and international authority on weight and eating based in North Dakota. “When someone tells a fat joke, the response should not be to laugh, or even to be silent.”

Many students say teachers or other adults rarely speak up about size bias, embracing the myth that thin always is better than fat.

It’s a myth some see the medical community presenting as fact.

“If one already prejudges fat people as gluttonous or lazy, it is not very difficult to think that they are also sick,” writes J. Eric Oliver in Fat Politics. That means even a visit to the school nurse doesn’t feel safe for some fat kids who are used to the medical community trying to “fix” their size.

Connie Sobczak, executive director of Body Positive, a nonprofit based in Berkeley, Calif., that helps teens with body issues, says the medical community does a disservice to thin kids by focusing solely on kids who are overweight.

“There are so many [children of all sizes] who aren’t eating well, and not [being active],” Sobczak says. “We ignore all those children, then we focus and shame the fat children.”

Size-related stereotypes, of course, work both ways — against fat and thin kids.

“We can’t just talk about it as an issue for fat kids. The ones who are ‘perfect’ get overlooked, too. It’s hard for them to talk about being blond and thin and looking like Barbie,” says Debora Burgard, a California psychotherapist and creator of BodyPositive.com (unrelated to the Body Positive group in Berkeley). “They have a stereotyping problem, too.”

Those prone to believe one stereotype often are prone to embrace other stereotypes, as well.

“In fact,” writes Oliver in Fat Politics, “people who have strong anti-fat attitudes also tend to be more hostile toward minorities and the poor.”

Stigma-by-association also exists. A recent study by British psychologist Jason Halford shows that prejudice against fat people is so strong that biases are also formed against people who associate with fat people.

Fear of Fat

Responding to concerns about childhood obesity, John S. Martinez School in New Haven, Conn., was one of the first K-8 public schools in its district to rid its campus of junk food. Last year the school hosted a pilot program introducing more physical activity, healthier cafeteria foods and nutrition education.

The inner-city school with predominantly Latino students offers swim classes using the school’s state-of-the-art pool. Students also can earn 30 to 45 extra minutes of gym class each day. The school’s health clinic monitors each child’s health and weight loss.

One physical education teacher says she sees the effects of the obesity epidemic firsthand, with younger children being diagnosed with hypertension, diabetes and elevated cholesterol levels.

“Most of them get on the scales without problems,” she says, but for other students the process is “stressful” and “hard to approach.” She contacts parents to discuss the best ways to intervene.

One winter afternoon, with snowflakes swirling outside the windows, several 7th- and 8th-graders gather at the school to talk about what happens when their parents get that kind of call.

“I hate it,” says Michelle, 13. “My mother makes me drink diet soda.”

The 8th-graders say all these efforts to get or keep them thin — eliminating vending machines, serving salads for lunch, increasing their gym time — have increased their fear rather than reduced their weight.

Twelve-year-old Arianna worries about high cholesterol. The message she gets from her parents and her doctor is that she must lose weight to get healthy. “I get depressed if I think about it too much,” she says. When she’s depressed, Arianna confesses, she sneaks Snickers and Milky Ways.

Emily worries her extra weight could lead to a heart attack. “I’m not going to be big in high school,” says the 12-year-old, shaking her head from side to side. “No, I’m going to go on a diet.”

Focus on fitness, not weight

In 2003, Arkansas was the first state to require schools to chart its students’ BMIs. Three years later, the state’s percentage of heavy school children remains the same: 38 percent. But another statistic has emerged: 13 percent of parents reported that their children had been teased because of the new program, according to the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette. Weighing children regularly does not help them become thin, says Miriam Berg, president of the national Council on Size & Weight Discrimination. Berg believes promoting weight loss as public policy is misguided for three reasons:

• the policy targets fat kids and promotes discrimination against them;
• teaches all kids that fatness should be avoided at all costs, resulting in dangerous diet practices and eating disorders; and
• ignores the nutritional, exercise and health needs of kids who are average weight or thinner than average.

Instead of forced weighings and BMI checks that focus all attention on heavier kids, Schwartz, of the Yale Center for Eating and Weight Disorders, says schools should develop creative ways to get all students more active. She suggests PE classes that emphasize different choices of movement, not just team sports.

Laura Perdikomatis, chair of Woodside High School’s physical education department in Woodside, Calif., couldn’t agree more.

“I think we’re turning them off,” she says, of mandated fitness tests that are harder for larger students to complete.

She says coaches, who often use running as a punishment, sometimes stand in the way of progress. Perdikomatis has heard a group of PE teachers, for example, laugh at the very concept of Health At Every Size.

“They think everyone should be the same size,” she says.

Perdikomatis just received a grant to furnish her high school’s fitness center with games like the interactive “Dance, Dance, Revolution” and a stationary bike/Play Station II combination. The equipment is not only fun, Perdikomatis says, but it also puts the focus on heart rate rather than on the mechanics of a fitness test.

Frances Berg, founder of the Healthy Weight Journal, says that’s the way it should be.

“It’s important to practice healthy habits no matter how much you weigh,” Berg says. “It’s not the weight; it’s how active you are. (And) kids have to enjoy what they’re doing, or else it won’t work.”

_______________________________________

 Teaching Tolerance’s educational kits and subscriptions to its magazine are FREE to: classroom teachers, school librarians, school counselors, school administrators, professors of education, leaders of homeschool networks, youth directors at houses of worship and employees of youth-serving nonprofit organizations.

More size-acceptance resources from Tolerance.org include:

 

Tips For Teachers
People usually think about diversity in terms of ethnicity, class, gender and ability. Fat children also have a unique perspective on the world. Learn to see fat children as a valid part of diversity

 

LABELS: The ‘O’ Words
The size acceptance community embraces the label “fat” over words like “obese” and “overweight.”

 

Kids Come In All Sizes
Use this workshop to teach all students to feel good about their bodies.

 

This Story at Work
Do you possess anti-fat biases? Take a free, confidential online and find out what’s lurking in your subconscious. After taking the test, try to identify steps you can take to offset or minimize biases you may hold related to size or other factors.

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Inspirational Living: Embracing the Seasons

by Rev. ReBecca Ames Sala, Regular Contributor to Elegant Plus Magazine

Bengali poet Rabindranath Tagore writes in “The Peace of Autumn”  Today the peace of autumn pervades the world. In the radiant noon, silent and motionless, the wide stillness rests like a tired bird Spreading over the deserted fields to all horizons its wings of golden green. Today the thin thread of the river flows without song, leaving no mark on its sandy banks. The many distant villages bask in the sun with eyes closed in idle and languid slumber. In the stillness I hear in every blade of grass, In every speck of dust, in every part of my own body, in the visible and invisible worlds, In the planets, the sun, and the stars, the joyous dance of the atoms through endless time.

While it is hard to think about autumn right at this moment, (as I write this column it is a VERY humid 95 degrees), it will be here before we know it, and the inevitable back to school and/or frenzy of our regular lives will resume. 

Rabindranath Tagore’s reflection reminds me that we are on a joyous, inspirational dance with the seasons if we would only stop to take a moment to listen and pay attention with all of our senses.

How do you mark the beginning of each season? While there are holidays that help us, have you ever created your own way of celebrating? Do you have a favorite season you look forward to every year? Have you ever thought about why it is your favorite? Is it because of what the season itself represents or is it because of who you are with that makes it so special? 

Several years ago, a ministerial colleague and friend, who specializes in relationships suggested to my husband that we should go away four times a year to reconnect with each other and get away from the work and distractions in our lives. We loved the idea because we are both ministers, and it takes great intentionality to make time for each other.

Each season, we take turns finding a bed and breakfast in Connecticut where we live and surprise each other with a weekend away. It is a time just for us, an opportunity to relax and just be with each other and to get to know the state we have called home for the past four years. One recent weekend, my husband picked me up from work and I had no idea where we were going until we got there. It is nice to have a little mystery in your life now and then. He chose a beautiful B&B in Wallingford, CT with a pond and across the street from a winery. Everyone seemed especially friendly on this weekend and I left my concerns back in Stamford for a little while. We spent a lazy Saturday morning swinging in a hammock by a pond and then walked over for a wine tasting across the street later in the day. We found one of few remaining independent bookstores in Connecticut and spent hours browsing and talking with the owners. It was an inspired weekend because we both were able to just be in the moment without a set schedule.

While I have always loved the change of seasons, I appreciate them in a different way then I have in the past because I am take the time to look at the changes around me, feeling more connected to the people in my life, to nature and my place in the universe.

The seasons are God’s poetry made manifest for us to see and read if only we would take time and notice the subtle changes of color on an autumn leaf; the unique and fragile beauty of the first snow of the winter as it falls like lace on the barren branches; the first hopeful blossom that heralds the birth of spring or the glorious dance of the fireflies on a summer night. There is peace to be found in all the seasons as well as an opportunity for a deeper connection to the natural world and to each other. 

Weekend getaways do not have to be limited to spouses or partners. It is just as important to take the time to reconnect with friends you have not seen in a long time. As spiritual beings, we must feed our souls just as we feed our bodies. 

Before summer ends and things kick into high gear again, I invite you all to find your own way of making each season special with the people who are close to you, whether it is in your own back yard or in a place you have always wanted to go. The inspirational part of the journey is the relationships you rediscover along the way.

Namaste (I honor the light within you)

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Parenting…. Plus Style
Changing Leaves

Changing leaves, cooler weather, and the end of summer vacation…fall is the time of the year where we are reminded to appreciate and show thanks for the ending cycles that surround us. If spring is the time of new growth and fresh outlooks, then fall is the time to appreciate our hard work and assess how we have grown. Sometimes cycles of life roll so quickly that we do not always take time to appreciate, show thanks, and honor the changes around us. This column provides you with suggestions for taking time to appreciate and show thanks as the seasons change.

Last year at this time, my four-month-old son and I enjoyed taking stroller rides in the crisp autumn air and rolling in the crunchy colorful leaves. This year, his rolling stage has passed as he stomps through the leaves on two feet. I appreciated him when he was tiny. I appreciate him now as he is still so small yet so mobile. What little things do your kids do daily that make you smile?

Sometimes I pick up my son and just wish time could stop for awhile. Just so we could have those extra minutes to cuddle or play. Just so I could preserve the moment a little longer and ignore the passing of time. Just so we can pause. And just be. As difficult as it may seem, we have to respect that every cycle has a beginning and an end. Take a few seconds to think about something enjoyable that you did last year at this time. How has your life changed in just one-year cycle of time?

I treasure the photographs that visually illustrate our journey called life. In fact, I have become a scrapbook addicted mom who uses every spare moment to create fun pages that will be a journal for us to look back on someday. When is the last time you pulled out the camera and took some fun photos with your kids? Taking photos outside with the fall background could be a lot of fun! Also, looking through an old photo album with your children could be a great way to observe and appreciate together how we all change and grow. Do you have old photos of grandparents and great-grandparents that you could share?

The New Year’s resolutions that we made many months ago still linger somewhere in our minds. Fall is the time to reassess some of those commitments we made to ourselves over the past year. What have you completed this year that gives you a sense of pride? What are you still working on that you would like to have done by the end of this year? This could be a good discussion to have with your children or partner also. 

There is beauty in endings. The fall leaves started off as fresh green buds in the spring, but are now beautiful strong orange and red colors as they are ending their life cycle. We are able to appreciate this ending and the beauty they have provided. Just like our kids start out as soft, fresh, tiny kissable babies. As their life cycle continues, we can take time to appreciate how they grow and change. How have your kids changed this year? What wonderful new experiences have they had? How have you handled some of the challenges?

In the spring we took time to “smell the roses.” This fall, I hope you take time to frolic in the leaves!

Monica Rasso © 2006

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Monica Rasso has recently started a new home based business allowing her to both create a safe environment for her precious baby boy and spend more time at home. Find out more about the environmentally safe products she sells or learn how you can start your own home based business by visiting: Melaleuca and Safe Healthy Family .

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 It was at my friend Nirmala’s 25^th birthday that I practiced “party of one” tip number four. 

4. When you’re nervous, alone, don’t know how to talk to someone you’ve just met, and don’t yet know if you even want to know them further, ask them about themselves. It’ll let you know if you do want to get to know them, and relax everyone. Most people don’t receive a lot of undivided attention from other people who are interested in who they are and what they’re doing. Mostly, they’re told who to be, what to wear, what to weigh, who to date, and so on. To have someone express interest sets most people on fire. It doesn’t take much to get rolling. Here are a few examples that I used on one of Nirmala’s more reserved female friends. 

“Hi! I’m Nirmala’s friend Sita. What’s your name?” 

“How do you and Nirmala know each other?”  

“What do you do with your days? I’m working on an MA half-time, writing, and investigating volunteering opportunities.” (This allows them time to understand that you’re not asking necessarily what they do for a living, as though that’s the sum total of who they are. I hate that.) 

From a beginning like this, I learned that Nic’s friend is in her 30’s, not her 20’s like I originally thought. I found out that she used to be a cat and dog veterinarian, but recently chose to specialize in feline care. Her job isn’t just how she pays the mortgage, it’s something she’s passionate about. She often adopts the older cats that people bring in to put to sleep, so she has ten or twelve cats at home at any given time. All this told me a lot about why she and Nirmala are friends. Though reserved, Nirmala’s vet friend is passionate and dedicated to the life she’s created, she’s tremendously compassionate and doesn’t talk a lot about the things that need doing - she simply does them.  

I learned all that in the first fifteen minutes of conversation, simply by asking questions and letting her tell me, and show me who she was. 

To my surprise, I ended up staying at that party until almost midnight. (Something I never do. My family always teases me and calls me “Granny Edwards.” Now, where’s my walker?) 

Clearly, my party skills and I could use some practice, but I’m getting there. The best part is, I always have more fun than I expect, and it’s never as scary as I think it’s going to be. 

I even got to feel all super in demand at Nic’s party. I tried to leave at ten, but the people I was talking to exclaimed in disapproval, and wouldn’t permit it. 

What do you know? I may have arrived alone, but I left feeling like part of the group.

5. Calm down from the outside in. When I get uncertain and nervous, my heart rate goes up, and I begin to breathe very rapidly & shallowly. Take conscious, slow breaths, remind yourself that there’s no need to panic, and dive in. 

I found this particularly helpful when I attended a holiday open house with my mom and her sweetie. Other than me, the youngest person there was twice my age, and I’d never met any of them. Usually when familial guilt cons me into attending such events, I revert to age six. I drink ginger ale, stand pigeon-toed, & talk an octave above my normal speaking voice. It’s like being possessed of the ghost of Sita Past. Yuck. 

This time, when I felt myself beginning to skid headlong toward mute panic tinged with boredom, I yanked myself back. I worked on my breathing, and found myself immediately calming down, so when the hostess came over to talk to us (and asked me about myself - see #4), I was feeling receptive, and gamely followed along to be introduced to people. It was a wonderful evening during which I discussed the public school system, education in general, the impact of my education in my life, and learned a lot about art. 

Heading into a room full of people you don’t know can be scary stuff, even without adding size concerns into the mix. But recent experience tells me that simply by showing up to such events I’m confounding people’s expectations. Fat people don’t sit at home watching television because we’ve got nothing else to do. We go to parties, write articles about our silly mistakes, laugh at ourselves, love our friends, and we live our lives to the fullest. 

Now that is activism!

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