Parenting…. Plus, Style
Moms, Watch the Self Talk

 

“Mommy…. am I fat?” What do you tell your 4-year-old daughter if she asks you this question? Would you quickly tell her that no, of course she is not fat, she’s a beautiful perfect princess? Would you divert the question and ask “why are you asking me this?” Giving your child positive affirmations can make a strong, self-confident little person. But at the moment of this question, you may want to know why your daughter would ask something like this. Can kids this young have size awareness? Where the heck did she learn the word “fat”? More than likely, she is learning about self worth from you.
There was a drug-awareness commercial on TV over fifteen years ago that still resonates in my head. The scene was a 12-year-old boy smoking marijuana in his room. His father walks in and says “where did you learn about this?” And the kid yells back “I learned it from watching you!!!!” Self esteem, eating habits, morals, addictions… your child is learning from watching you. 
Moms, we’d better watch our self talk. Our words and our actions are not only noticed by our little ones but are also mimicked by them. How many of you have spent an hour getting dressed, only to look in the mirror and frown? How many of you have to “put your face on” by applying layers of makeup before going outside? Do you ever say that you’re “having a fat day” or frequently ask if certain clothes “make you look fat?” We all have!!! We need to be aware of the tiny sets of eyes that record our every move and the tiny sets of ears that will not listen when you tell them to sit down or eat broccoli… but they hear you perfectly when you speak negatively about yourself. 
In your child’s life, you are the most important person in the world. Although they may not admit it in the high school and adult years, your words and actions can be very character molding to your children. While I was pregnant with my son, I was often overwhelmed thinking about how he will view me. Who is the person that I want him to see? Who is the person that I want to be? Are my religious views something to be passed along? How about my professional life? Will he be proud? What about my personal life? Are any of my actions harmful or embarrassing? I felt like I needed everything “figured out” before he was born. 
What I figured out is that I’m not perfect and I will never have everything “figured out.” How boring would life be if we did have it all set? I’ve learned that I’m still learning. Still growing. That I will always be my mother’s child. 
Raising a great child does not require you to have everything figured out. It requires loving your child enough to show them that you grow, change, and continue to learn. How would you like your children to see you? How would you like them to interact and view others? How can you teach them self worth, morals, gratefulness, and love? We all have different answers to these questions. 
We all come in different colors, shapes, and sizes. We are raising the next generation to hopefully be more accepting of differences and less tolerant of prejudices. In what area of your life can you make a commitment right now to positively change your self talk for the good of your children? I challenge you to make a commitment, maybe even write it down or share it with a spouse or friend. Keep in mind that you are not alone. We have all heard the saying “it takes a village to raise a child.” How can you and your village encourage an aware, empathetic, confident member of society?

Monica Rasso © 2006

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Money Talk for Smart Women
Mommy-preneurs: What, why, when and how?

by Monica Rasso, Regular Contributing Author to Elegant Plus Magazine

Years of changing diapers, baby playgroups, and playing short order cook. When is the time to think about what the stay-at-home parent really wants to do? Here are some tips for the “what, why, when and how” when considering starting your own business as a mommy-preneur.

Why start a business? Motivation, or your “why” for doing something, is different for each person. Your “why” will be your driving force. Some stay at home parents think about making a few hundred dollars a month to help out with the bills or pay for an extra vacation each year. What will drive you to juggle the work you do as a homemaker (which pays generously with kisses and hugs) to work you do to bring in the cash money? 

When will you do it? As the school year has now started and children are acclimated to their routine, many moms are finding that they have some time to think about how they would like to spend their time. The time to start a business depends greatly on what you plan to do. Are you looking for a hobby or a life-long business? When considering a home business, there is much confusion out there about what to actually look for to determine what is right for you. If you are planning to build a business from home, it must be worth your time. 

What will you do? Doing something that interests you is vital for success. Is it important that you help others? Or would you rather work alone in a quiet environment? How will you do it? You might start with a work from home business opportunity that already exists. Or you may go out on your own and start your own company. You may be considering wedding/event planning, or some sort of artistic craft, or maybe another business where you produce the item for sale. You still have the flexibility to work your own schedule (usually). When you are the main producer of a product, you will sometimes be a “slave to your orders” when you have deadlines to meet. 

When thinking about compensation, a good idea is to build a business that will pay you up front, as well as many years to come, off of your one-time efforts. This “Residual Income” means that you are getting paid month after month; year after year, for work you do one time. It is very much like an insurance agent who sets up your policy once, but each year when you automatically renew. A few home-based businesses offer this type of income. 

If your business idea involves a one time payment, you may consider putting part of that in savings as your retirement income after your business stops. It would be wise to save for tax payment also. 

How will you start? Research the product or business idea. See if others are doing it already. Is there still room in the market for you to succeed? Seek out resources such as women’s small business counseling. Maybe take a business class at your local college, although there are some books on the market that may teach you more practical applications than a college class. Here are a few to check out:

1. 101 Best Home-Based Businesses for Women, 3rd Edition: Everything You Need to Know About Getting Started on the Road to Success (For Fun & Profit) by Priscilla Huff

1. The Best Home Businesses for the 21st Century by Paul Edwards

1. Home-Based Business For Dummies (For Dummies (Business & Personal Finance) by Paul Edwards, Sarah Edwards, and Peter Economy

1. The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Starting a Home-Based Business (2nd Edition) by Barbara Weltman

1. The 200 Best Home Businesses: Easy To Start, Fun To Run, Highly Profitable by Katina Z. Jones

After you do your research, figure out your upfront cost. How long will it take you to recoup that cost? Do you have the space at home for this business? How will you market/advertise? Who will mentor, train, and motivate you? Although there may be a lot of things to consider, the benefits of working for yourself in your own home are very rewarding! It just takes a little time and discipline to think about what to do and a plan. 

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Parenting…. Plus Style
Changing Leaves

Changing leaves, cooler weather, and the end of summer vacation…fall is the time of the year where we are reminded to appreciate and show thanks for the ending cycles that surround us. If spring is the time of new growth and fresh outlooks, then fall is the time to appreciate our hard work and assess how we have grown. Sometimes cycles of life roll so quickly that we do not always take time to appreciate, show thanks, and honor the changes around us. This column provides you with suggestions for taking time to appreciate and show thanks as the seasons change.

Last year at this time, my four-month-old son and I enjoyed taking stroller rides in the crisp autumn air and rolling in the crunchy colorful leaves. This year, his rolling stage has passed as he stomps through the leaves on two feet. I appreciated him when he was tiny. I appreciate him now as he is still so small yet so mobile. What little things do your kids do daily that make you smile?

Sometimes I pick up my son and just wish time could stop for awhile. Just so we could have those extra minutes to cuddle or play. Just so I could preserve the moment a little longer and ignore the passing of time. Just so we can pause. And just be. As difficult as it may seem, we have to respect that every cycle has a beginning and an end. Take a few seconds to think about something enjoyable that you did last year at this time. How has your life changed in just one-year cycle of time?

I treasure the photographs that visually illustrate our journey called life. In fact, I have become a scrapbook addicted mom who uses every spare moment to create fun pages that will be a journal for us to look back on someday. When is the last time you pulled out the camera and took some fun photos with your kids? Taking photos outside with the fall background could be a lot of fun! Also, looking through an old photo album with your children could be a great way to observe and appreciate together how we all change and grow. Do you have old photos of grandparents and great-grandparents that you could share?

The New Year’s resolutions that we made many months ago still linger somewhere in our minds. Fall is the time to reassess some of those commitments we made to ourselves over the past year. What have you completed this year that gives you a sense of pride? What are you still working on that you would like to have done by the end of this year? This could be a good discussion to have with your children or partner also. 

There is beauty in endings. The fall leaves started off as fresh green buds in the spring, but are now beautiful strong orange and red colors as they are ending their life cycle. We are able to appreciate this ending and the beauty they have provided. Just like our kids start out as soft, fresh, tiny kissable babies. As their life cycle continues, we can take time to appreciate how they grow and change. How have your kids changed this year? What wonderful new experiences have they had? How have you handled some of the challenges?

In the spring we took time to “smell the roses.” This fall, I hope you take time to frolic in the leaves!

Monica Rasso © 2006

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Monica Rasso has recently started a new home based business allowing her to both create a safe environment for her precious baby boy and spend more time at home. Find out more about the environmentally safe products she sells or learn how you can start your own home based business by visiting: Melaleuca and Safe Healthy Family .

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Parenting…. Plus Style
 Guiding Your Child’s Wardrobe

As the new school year approaches, I project that there will be at least 15 million arguments each day between parents and their children on what they should wear.  How do I figure that?  Well, according to the US Census bureau in 2004, there are 293.5 million people in America.  About 60 million of those are children under age 14.   As I recall the many “discussions” my mom had with my brother and I on our wardrobe selections, I really think 15 million is being generous!   How many of you would like to avoid some arguments this year?  Read on and work your magic!

 Clothes have always been a means for expression.  Toddlers (and some husband) try to run naked whenever possible.  Preschoolers enjoying wearing pajamas all day, while many elementary students desire comfort over fashion.  The really fun youngsters like to wear Princess or Superman costumes the entire day… including class picture day!  From what I have read, we should encourage our children’s creativity and allow them to express themselves with their clothing (obviously, as long as the private parts are covered).  But what do we do when today is our family reunion, or even more practically, if it is December and your child wants to wear a swimsuit and flippers to go to grandma’s house?!?!

 In the same way that we teach our children manners, we must show them that certain things are acceptable in the comforts of your home, while other rules apply to what is acceptable in public.  You must set guidelines and lead by example.  Here are some general examples to consider:

1. Clothes must be weather appropriate.  No swimwear in December or winter coats in August. 
2. Clothes and accessories must not endanger the child or others.  No spikes on the school bus!
3. Clothes (and makeup) must be age-appropriate.  I will not even list all the dangers involved when children misrepresent their age or maturity level.

We must encourage our children to make acceptable choices by providing options that fit within the guidelines.  If it is acceptable for girls to wear Capri pants to school, then allow your daughter to select which color and, if it is in your budget, possibly the brand name.  If your child has a favorite t-shirt that is getting tattered and torn, suggest buying a similar one to replace the old one. 

How do we change habits that have already been set?  Repetition becomes a habit in as little as three months time.  For example, if it is in your routine to dress up for church on Sunday, generally your kids will not fight you much on this.  You have to make it a habit to differentiate between “types” of clothing, such as “school clothes” or “play clothes.”  Make up your own category as needed.  Help your child to establish a habit of wearing certain clothes only at the appropriate times. 

There are many esteem issues that are reflected in your child’s clothing selection.  If your child selects an image that you do not understand or agree with, you may want to spend some time getting to know why this image is important to them or what attracts them to a certain look.  Try not to stereotype.  If you son goes Goth and wears all black, listen to why he prefers that look.  You may choose to explain that unfortunately our society views and judges people on their appearance.  I do not have a PhD in child psychology, but I do know that you can either accept that the clothes do not make the person or you can accept that children need our guidance and are sometimes not mature enough to make certain selections themselves. 

 We love our children above all.  In loving them, we must set rules to protect them.  We want our rules to be decent, fair, and so acceptable that do not seem like “rules” but rather “guideline” whereby children feel that they are expressing themselves as they wish. 

Elegant Plus Shopping Resources

• Children’s Apparel Directory

• Young & Trendy Teen and Tween Plus-Size Clothing Directory

Monica Rasso © 2006

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