Kiss My Assets Column at Elegant Plus Magazine

Creating  Powerful Girls

by Dr. Robyn Silverman

It’s that time again. The diet commercials are in full force which can only mean two things; bathing suit season is right around the corner and nationwide body image is getting ready to plummet. Many adults worry that between all the talk about buff bodies and diet plans, girls will slip into a self esteem slump. How can we help girls to elevate their self worth without needing to go on and on about loving your body?

Confidence and self worth, both positive and negative, can influence how a person feels, thinks, and acts throughout childhood and adulthood. Those who have strong feelings of confidence and high self worth will feel more positive about themselves, think more positively, and act and behave more positively than those who have low self confidence and low self worth. In addition, girls with strong feelings of confidence and high self worth will like who they see in the mirror each day and know that they are worthy of love.

Girls are looking to the women in their lives to show them the ropes. Whether you are a parent, big sister, teacher, or friend of a girl, you can inspire girls to become confident in themselves by following these tips:

Help them to realize her unique gifts:

Everyone is talented or special in some way. While we are not all little Einsteins or mini- Monets, everyone has something to offer. Let her know that you appreciate their gifts. Allow her to show you what she can do—without doing it for her! She will get better with time. Hang up artwork, projects, or awards that exhibit these gifts so that your child knows that you value her special talents. Creating a Wall of Fame will allow her to see all of her accomplishments.

Be present:

When a girl is sharing new knowledge or new gifts, pay attention! This is the time to shut off the TV and the cell phone. When you do this, she will know that she is important and worthy of your undivided attention.

Don’t over-praise:

You can let her know that she is special without over-praising. Not everything she does is worthy of the Wall of Fame. She can’t always be super, perfect and fantastic. When you praise a girl when praise is due, she will know you are being genuine and that she has really done a good job.

Be a RAD role model (Reliable, Accountable, and Dependable):

While you may not always be available when she needs you, create a pattern of responsiveness and responsibility. Be on time, be reliable, and follow through with what you say you are going to do. When you are a RAD role model, she will know that she can count on you and that she is worthy of your follow through. She will also learn what it means to be a positive role model to others.

Praise effort:

It may be easy to focus on a high mark on a paper or a gold medal, but it’s really important to praise effort instead of results. When a girl knows that she has worked hard and that hard work is praised, she will likely keep putting in the effort to make the accomplishment. When we are results driven, failure can stop us in our tracks and make us give up for fear of failing once again.

When we take the time to instill confidence in girls, they become a little bit stronger everyday. Then they can call upon that strength when they are feeling low or bombarded with negative, body-bashing messages. The strength of positive mentors carries on even when you’re not around!

Until next time (and the next 5 tips)!

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About the Author

Dr. Robyn J.A. Silverman is a Massachusetts-based child and adolescent development specialist and body image expert whose programs and services are used worldwide. She is also a success coach for parents and educators, who are looking to achieve their goals, improve their lives or improve the lives of others. She is a writer and professional speaker who presents to PTAs, schools, businesses and organizations that focus on children or families. Interested in doing some coaching with Dr. Robyn or having Dr. Robyn present a seminar at your school or business? Go to DrRobynSilverman.com for more information.

Popularity: 14% [?]

 By Jeanne Rust, Phd, Guest Author for Elegant Plus Magazine

What can we do to begin to combat the messages we get from the media including magazines and television?

How can we make a difference in the world and begin to teach people to respect who we are as a person on the inside rather than what we look like on the outside?

When am I going to say, This is enough! I am going to refuse to pay attention to what other people think when they judge how I look. I am going to refuse to give away my power to a society that worships a handful of super models who use airbrushed photos!

The PBS website has a marvelous article called Perfect Illusions. The beginning paragraph states, One of the ways we can protect our self-esteem and body image from the often narrow definitions of beauty and acceptability is to become a critical viewer of the messages we are bombarded with each day. Media messages about body shape affect the way we feel about our bodies and ourselves only if we let them! When we recognize and analyze the media messages that influence us, we remember that the definitions of beauty and success do not have to define our self-image or potential. We must use our creative minds to view all media with a discriminating eye. All media images and messages are things that are made up. They are not reflections of reality. Advertisements are created to do one thing: convince you to buy or support a specific product or service. We see what advertisers want us to see to convince us to buy a specific product or service. Advertisers often will make up an emotional experience that looks like reality. Just because they think their approach will work with you, it does not mean it has to work with you! As individuals we decide how we want to experience media messages. We can choose whether we want to think or believe the message. We can use a filter that protects our self-esteem and body image. (I like to put on my super-dooper protective bubble!)

1. When you see an ad or hear a message that makes you feel bad about yourself, your body, or others by promoting only thin, formulaic body ideals, talk back to the TV and advertiser by writing a letter.

2. Make a list of companies who consistently send negative body image messages and make a conscious effort to avoid buying their products.

3. Write them a letter explaining why you are using your buying power to protest their messages.

4. Get your friends and/or students at your school or work to join you. There is power in a grass-roots movement.

5. You can tear out the ads you find offensive and send them to the advertiser with the message: I do not want them.

6. Consumers have much more influence with corporations than we realize. Corporations are so competitive with each other in todays world as they fight to get our attention. They have to be flexible and responsive so just a few people raising their voices can make a huge difference. We can look upon this as seed planting. Our seeds will sprout and grow. it might take some time but we can make a beginning in changing our culture!

We can be strong and change the world in which we live!

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Jeanne Rust, PhD is the CEO and Founder of Mirasol, a treatment program for women and teens with anorexia, bulimia, obesity, and binge eating disorder. Her treatment philosophy is integrative combining the best of the medical model of treatment with the most effective alternative ones. Learn more about eating disorders at http://www.mirasol.net

Reprinted with Peremission from: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Jeanne_Rust,_Phd
http://EzineArticles.com/?6-Ways-to-Combat-the-Medias-Body-Image-Message&id=827128

Popularity: 20% [?]

Six Tips to Help your Child Cope with Feeling Fat in a “Thin is In” World

By Dr. Robyn Silverman, Kiss My Assets Column at Elegant Plus Magazine

[This article was first published in Bay State Parent magazine as a Parenting 1,2,3 article]

You probably wouldn’t believe it if you had heard it yourself. MaryBeth, a mother of three, came to me in a panic. Her daughter, Madeline, who had recently turned six years old, had been standing outside by the pool with her two friends, Hallie and Rachel, when the snubbing began. Marybeth witnessed Madeline’s two friends slapping their bellies and whispering to each other. Hallie spoke first. “You can’t be our friend anymore, Maddie, ‘cause you’re 55 pounds and we’re only 45 and 47 ½ pounds.” Rachel continued, “Yeah, 6 year olds like us shouldn’t weigh more than 50 pounds. If you are, it means you’re fat… and fat people are ugly.” At that, Madeline ran to her Mom, and whimpered, “Mommy, am I fat and ugly?” while the other girls jumped into the pool.

As a body image and child development specialist, I believe I have heard it all. Too fat. Too short. Too flat. Too big. Too scrawny. These stories, while plentiful, are never easy to hear. 

We used to think that “fitting in” had mostly to do with how your personality meshes with your friends. But in today’s world, when everywhere from Hollywood to New York is preaching extreme thinness, “fitting in” seems to have more to do with how you appear on the outside rather than who you are the inside. And, unfortunately, those parents who thought that they didn’t have to worry about body image issues until their children became teens are being sideswiped in the head by a large dose of reality. 

No child should ever feel that s/he is “worth less” because of how s/he looks. When it comes to society’s messages that “thin is in” and “fat is faulty” what can we do to help our children remember that it’s what’s inside that counts?

Tip 1. Show children that everyone comes in different sizes

Let them know that on the normal bell curve for weight, children fall in all different places. Some are lighter and some are heavier. It’s normal for children to gain weight at different rates and at different times during their childhood. Some shoot up like weeds and then gain weight while others gain weight and then grow taller. What’s important is that each child is healthy and active NOT that each child is at the average weight for his or her age group. Of course, if you’re concerned about your child’s weight or weight progression, contact your pediatrician for advice.

Tip 2. Don’t compare

Even within families, siblings will put on weight at different times and at different rates. Pointing out that one of your children is putting weight on faster or is heavier than another sibling, can be interpreted as a criticism that s/he is not fitting in to what is “normal.” Given societal messages regarding dieting and thinness, especially those delivered to young girls, it’s easy for children to interpret seemingly innocuous comparative comments as judgments of a child’s worth.

Tip 3. Watch the media that comes into your house

A lot of magazines and TV shows hail thin frames and denigrate bodies that are not thin enough according to Hollywood standards. When someone once said, “a picture’s worth a thousand words” they were right. Research shows that media has a large impact on the way children feel about themselves and how they judge others. If you see something that celebrates very thin figures or denigrates those who are not thin, talk about it and ask your children what their take is on the subject. TV shows and books that confirm that people come in all shapes and sizes, can also be extremely helpful. (I use a self-published book for my own presentations on this topic. If interested, please contact me directly through www.DrRobynSilverman.com)

Tip 4. Be aware of your own language and behaviors

 If you’re hyper-focused on weight and looks, your child will pick up on it. As they say, “monkey see, monkey do.” You are your children’s role model and superhero. They want to be just like you and they want you to be proud of them. So when a parent looks in the mirror and says “yuck,” their children may wonder if you think the same thing about them. Young people follow your lead so be sure to show them what a healthy body image (not just a healthy lifestyle) looks like.

Tip 5. Expose them to different activities and people

 When children have the opportunity to meet different kinds of people and do different activities, they learn about and develop strengths. Other people show them that children can be good at all different things and how someone looks does not determine their worth or their abilities. A wide array of activities like team sports, martial arts, hip-hop dance and drama can help children develop confidence in what they can do and who they can be without hyper-focusing on weight and appearance.

Tip 6. Stress your values

 Raising your children to determine their true friends by who they are and not by how they look is helpful in several ways. First, they’ll attract people who think similarly. Second, they’ll be more apt to judge themselves by the strength of their values rather than how thin they are. And third, they’ll be less apt to surround themselves with people who base friendship on appearance.

But most of all, be patient and supportive. Be prepared for your children to change shape and size often during childhood. Growing up and out can be confusing and even anxiety-provoking for children who are trying to “fit in.” Helping all young people feel worthwhile, valued and capable, no matter what weight they are, is vital to the development of positive body image and self esteem.

Popularity: 41% [?]

   Meet Wendy Alexander:

Full-Figured Fashionista and Creator of Simply Couture Runway Shows

by Elegant Plus Magazine

Wendy Alexander, Creator of Simply Couture, a Fashion Extravaganza featuring the hottest couturiers in plus-size designs. The “Girls with Curves” tour has been touring major cites across the country for three years. Los Angeles,  Atlanta, Houston, New Orleans, Washington, DC and Kansas City, MO just to name a few.

Wendy Alexander is no stranger to the public’s eye, she was a Television News Reporter for four years 1994-1998, an Entertainment Reporter in LA in 1999 and hosted the Entertainment magazine show Everyday In New Orleans in 2000. In 2001 she graced the runway of comedian, talk show host Mother Love and feel in love with Fashion. From that point on Wendy has not stopped.

Simply Couture was created in 2003 and attracts women and men of all ages, sizes and nationalities. More importantly, fashion designs and trends for plus-size women is the fastest growing industry.

Wendy Alexander on-stage at Simply Couture

In 2005 Wendy created Miss Simply Couture Teen Pageant, featuring young ladies ages 12-18, competing for college scholarships.

Wendy Alexander is a member a several professional organizations and has spoke at National Conventions across the country. Her mission and platform is to encourage positive inner and outer self-esteem among everyone no matter what size you are, and to inform the world that beauty and style comes in all shapes and sizes.

Wendy Alexander resides in West Hills, CA with her husband, son and dog, Star Princess.

Popularity: 21% [?]