Kiss My Assets Column at Elegant Plus Magazine

Creating  Powerful Girls

by Dr. Robyn Silverman

It’s that time again. The diet commercials are in full force which can only mean two things; bathing suit season is right around the corner and nationwide body image is getting ready to plummet. Many adults worry that between all the talk about buff bodies and diet plans, girls will slip into a self esteem slump. How can we help girls to elevate their self worth without needing to go on and on about loving your body?

Confidence and self worth, both positive and negative, can influence how a person feels, thinks, and acts throughout childhood and adulthood. Those who have strong feelings of confidence and high self worth will feel more positive about themselves, think more positively, and act and behave more positively than those who have low self confidence and low self worth. In addition, girls with strong feelings of confidence and high self worth will like who they see in the mirror each day and know that they are worthy of love.

Girls are looking to the women in their lives to show them the ropes. Whether you are a parent, big sister, teacher, or friend of a girl, you can inspire girls to become confident in themselves by following these tips:

Help them to realize her unique gifts:

Everyone is talented or special in some way. While we are not all little Einsteins or mini- Monets, everyone has something to offer. Let her know that you appreciate their gifts. Allow her to show you what she can do—without doing it for her! She will get better with time. Hang up artwork, projects, or awards that exhibit these gifts so that your child knows that you value her special talents. Creating a Wall of Fame will allow her to see all of her accomplishments.

Be present:

When a girl is sharing new knowledge or new gifts, pay attention! This is the time to shut off the TV and the cell phone. When you do this, she will know that she is important and worthy of your undivided attention.

Don’t over-praise:

You can let her know that she is special without over-praising. Not everything she does is worthy of the Wall of Fame. She can’t always be super, perfect and fantastic. When you praise a girl when praise is due, she will know you are being genuine and that she has really done a good job.

Be a RAD role model (Reliable, Accountable, and Dependable):

While you may not always be available when she needs you, create a pattern of responsiveness and responsibility. Be on time, be reliable, and follow through with what you say you are going to do. When you are a RAD role model, she will know that she can count on you and that she is worthy of your follow through. She will also learn what it means to be a positive role model to others.

Praise effort:

It may be easy to focus on a high mark on a paper or a gold medal, but it’s really important to praise effort instead of results. When a girl knows that she has worked hard and that hard work is praised, she will likely keep putting in the effort to make the accomplishment. When we are results driven, failure can stop us in our tracks and make us give up for fear of failing once again.

When we take the time to instill confidence in girls, they become a little bit stronger everyday. Then they can call upon that strength when they are feeling low or bombarded with negative, body-bashing messages. The strength of positive mentors carries on even when you’re not around!

Until next time (and the next 5 tips)!

____________

About the Author

Dr. Robyn J.A. Silverman is a Massachusetts-based child and adolescent development specialist and body image expert whose programs and services are used worldwide. She is also a success coach for parents and educators, who are looking to achieve their goals, improve their lives or improve the lives of others. She is a writer and professional speaker who presents to PTAs, schools, businesses and organizations that focus on children or families. Interested in doing some coaching with Dr. Robyn or having Dr. Robyn present a seminar at your school or business? Go to DrRobynSilverman.com for more information.

Popularity: 64% [?]

When a Queen Lets Down Her Subjects:  Queen Latifah Representing Diet Industry Giant Jenny Craig

by T. A. Politis, Managing Editor
Musings for the Editor’s Chair at Elegant Plus Magazine

I’d begun this week writing a column on the looming clash of plus-size apparel company giants for market share, but a surprise….. a disappointing surprise…… popped up on the radar screen.  Queen Latifah, a celebrity I had long admired for just plain being good at what she did and doing her thing while proving size really had very little to do with talent, is now publicly linked with diet industry giant Jenny Craig.  To say I’m let down and disappointed is an understatement.  So the other article will have to wait until later in the week while I pause to examine the issues this turn of affairs raises.

There are those who are applauding Queen Latifah’s move, asking why shouldn’t a woman clearly comfortable in her own skin not promote healthy lifestyle?  In fact, some believe she has a moral obligation to do so as a role model and a celebrity.  And, guess what, fundamentally I agree with the view that healthy lifestyles are worth promoting.

 But this is where it gets messy and opinion diverges.   Those applauding this particular business partnership between a curvy celebrity and a diet industry giant are accepting a fundamental  assumption pervasive in our culture.  That’s right an assumption, not a fact.  Thinner equals healthier.   Actually two assumptions.  The other is: dieting will make you thinner (and therefore healthier, right?).  There have been lots of advertising dollars, spin doctors, pharmaceutical industry paid “scientific” studies to prove this too.  And let’s not forget the sound bites and media blitz yelling hysterically about the rise of obesity.  The fact is, Queen Latifah herself probably believes in these assumptions.  So many of us do.

There is another school of thought altogether that promotes healthy lifestyle choices - eating right and getting enough exercise PERMANENTLY — not restricting calories to unhealthy levels temporarily to lose weight and then going back to poor eating patterns. (And healthy eating choices does not just mean only the number of calories that you consume, by the way. It takes into consideration food quality and overall nutritional value as well.) This alternative view, known as Health at Every Size,  also does not focus on the numbers on the scale as the marker of success, but rather how well a body is functioning.  Let me say that again. It is worth repeating:  Health at Every Size does not focus on the numbers on the scale as the markers of healthly lifestyle success. Diet companies do. It’s been proven many times that those that go on big name diets  gain the weight back at an alarmingly high rate within just a few years. And one thing we do know for sure is that yo-yo dieting wrecks metabolisms and leaves people far more susceptible to disease than if they never went on the diet in the first place.  We ran an article by fitness professional Jennifer Portnick awhile back that addresses many of these issues in greater detail that you might want to consult for more information.

Also, there is a lot of evidence out there that doesn’t get talked about much,  especially not from a business that makes its money selling diets to you or a media that loves sensational headlines and imagery:  weight gain may not be the causal factor of a lot of the diseases to which it is linked, but rather is one of the first symptoms of the disease as it takes hold. So losing weight isn’t the cure all it’s held up to be often, either.

So you think that perhaps your lifestyle choices could use improving and you want to better your health, right? You feel sluggish, not your best, and huff more than a little bit climbing stairs.  And you don’t like that.  You want to improve. Yay! That’s great news!  That’s truly the first step to loving yourself - staying in tune with how your body is functioning and taking care of it when all is not well. 

The solution, however, I would suggest is not in the bottom of pre-cooked, over-processed, tiny caloried food boxes of Jenny Craig.  Nor is it in the magic diet pill being sold at the supermarket.  If you are serious about creating a healthier you, educate yourself in what healthy food choices are.  Get yourself to a nutritionist if you need help understanding why not all yogurt is created equal and why whole foods are better than processed (even if the box reads “low calorie” or “diet”). Then work on gradually altering eating styles permanently — and no that doesn’t mean never eating chocolate cake, fried chicken or ice-cream ever again, just maybe not three times a week and always in moderation.  Find a fitness professional who can help you develop a sensible exercise plan you can stick to for life if you find yourself unable to do it alone, or find a walking buddy.  And if you need to, visit a psychologist to help you with any emotional issues you may be linking to food or eating. 

No quick fixes.  No short term solutions.  And very little standing on scales to measure goal success.  Some people, many people in fact (although not all and very rarely to the waifish sizes usually seen as “success” in diet driven literature), find that they lose weight when they normalize eating and exercise patterns.  But, and this is a big BUT,  when weight-loss and fitting into a size 6 (or 10 or 14) dress isn’t the end goal, this lower bodyweight set-point is a non-issue. Rather the reward and goal of changing lifestyle patterns is what it should be…..that an individual can keep up with their toddler better or they find they have fewer colds, their blood sugar evens out or lowers and therefore risk for developing Type 2 diabetes declines, or they just generally are more active and enjoying life more. That is how better health is measured.  So, for those that have bodies that fall on the heavier end of the human “normal” body weight bell-curve there is no failure when weight or size loss isn’t achieved.  Diet companies even when they use the words “health” and “healthy” still measure success by pounds or inches lost, and don’t care much what other parts of your health may have been wrecked in the process.

So yes, I’m hugely disappointed by the this big business partnership. She may not be their spokeperson, but rather is accepting advertising dollars as a sponsor for her “Trav’lin Light” album (three guesses why they wanted to be linked with that slogan) tour.  But most people won’t see the fine line of who is sponsor and who is sponsored.  The Queen has fallen far in my esteem and affections.  There are so many healthier causes she could have aligned with than the yo-yo diet industry.

Popularity: 24% [?]

Real women with Real bodies in the Dove Campaign for Real Beauty

“I’m So With You on That. I am Too Fat” or A Mother’s View of Body Image from the Trenches

by Lisa Klobucar, Elegant Plus Magazine “Hello Gorgeous! Learning to Love Your Curves” Columnist

Poof! Summer’s over, did you enjoy it? The summer fun, the trips to the pools and parks? The family reunions, cookouts and fireworks…. I hope so, because it’s time for books, homework and of course Christmas is just around the corner. But that’s a whole other column.

In June, long before September makes her grand entrance I start planning and thinking about the upcoming school year. As a divorced mom of two girls I have always made it a staple of my house to show and instill in my girls the importance of a healthy self-esteem. Since children spend about 75% of their time at school with teachers and friends, it’s important that my girls know that they are loved; and, when they look in the mirror that they love what they see looking back a them too. I want them to feel secure with themselves. As we all know, peer pressure can change a child’s whole outlook not just about school but more importantly about how they see and project themselves.

During the summer something interesting happened. My house became the, “it” house. You know, the house where all the kids like to hang out. How and why this happened, who knows? My girls and I live in a small three bedroom townhouse. However, at any given point in time during the summer I had at least one or more extra children in my house. Now I am not some cool, easy going, laid back mom. My girls will tell you I am rather strict. Yet there are several little girls who have no problem being in my home, not only visiting and playing with my girls, but cleaning and straightening up the messes they make.

One very hot and fun filled weekend I had four giggling, “ohh he’s cute, let’s wear the same color” girls in my house. I was in a grocery store with my tribe, half-listening to them laugh and banter, discuss likes/dislikes about who is cute (by the way, Johnny Depp is hot all four agreed).  Suddenly one of the girls who is ten years old said, ” I need to lose ten pounds.” Then my eleven year old states, “I am so with you on that. I am too fat.” I stopped dead in my tracks, grocery cart and all, as all four girls promptly walked into me.

I turned and looked at them. All four are different, shapes, sizes, colors… all beautiful, smiling and for the most part happy. I looked at the two oldest girls and asked, “Why do you think you are fat and need to lose weight?” I was very interested to hear what their answers might be, especially since one of the two who thought she was fat was my own child. The ten year old stated that her mother was always lamenting to her and whoever else would listen that she (the mom) was too fat and needed to lose ten pounds. I immediately saw that the mother of this child had transferred her own poor self image onto her child, a child that was and is still growing and developing.

I then asked my own daughter, why she thought she was fat. My daughter asked if she and could talk about it later. I said, “Of course, “  making sure that they all knew I wasn’t upset, just very interested in their answers. Later that evening as the girls were getting ready to go to sleep for the night, my daughter came into my room and we talked. She said that she didn’t think she was fat, but she wanted to support her friend. She said that her friend is always complaining about her weight. Now I will have you know that the ten year old is thin and wears a girls size 12, all very right for her body and size. My daughter however, trying to be a good friend and be supportive thought that agreeing with her friend on being fat would somehow ease the ten year old’s dislike of herself.

The next day after all the girls had gone home, I asked my daughter, “What do you see when you look in the mirror?” Of course I get the, “Oh mom, do I have to answer this now” statement. But she walked to the full length mirror in the hall and said, “I’m cute. I have great hair, a dazzling smile.”  I asked her, do you really think you are fat? My daughter said, “No” but she went on to add that she has seen kids who are built smaller than she is get teased because of their weight.

This school year my oldest enters junior high. This will certainly be a test of wills for both my daughter and myself. Girls around this time tend to change, due to hormones and other developments that are going on. Cliques come into play. The issue of being popular also starts to rear it’s head. And we cannot forget that boys start to notice girls and vice versa. My daughter’s sense of self will be tested, I am sure. While I have done my best to prepare my daughter for what may or may not happen. In the end it will be up to her to decide how she will handle and carry herself with her peers. I have always been a big girl. I was a BBW, before the term BBW was even brought into existence. If nothing else, I believe that as a parent I lead by example. I have always let my girls see me as I am -  a beautiful, confident woman with no self deprecation in constant fat, diet and weight-loss talk.  I think that is one of the best things I can do  to let them know that no one body is “perfect” and that is OK.  I also have faith in my oldest. She is like me in many respects. The girl has chutzpah and moxy, OY!

Popularity: 35% [?]

Plus-Size Fertility

by Brette Sember for Elegant Plus Magazine

The decision to become a parent is an exciting one. You and your wonderful man are going to create new life together through the power of your love. It’s a heady feeling and one that definitely can bring you closer together. But if you’re a plus-size woman, you may worry about what kind of impact your weight will have on getting pregnant.

Schedule a Pre-Conception Physical

Make an appointment to see your gynecologist before you toss that birth control out the window. It is now recommended that all women have a pre-conception check up to discuss medications, lifestyle changes, and any possible stumbling blocks to conception that they might face. As a plus-sized woman, one of things your physician will likely discuss with you is weight. Being overweight can cause irregularities with your cycle and suppress ovulation. It’s likely that you’ll be encouraged to get close to your ideal weight by your doctor (according to body mass index charts), but losing even 10 pounds can have a significant positive impact on fertility for many women. Diet drugs are an absolute no-no though when trying to conceive.

Losing weight is a personal choice (and for many women, a difficult path), so be sure to weigh your own feelings into the decision. It’s also important to note that too much weight loss too quickly can make it difficult to conceive.

Discuss Major Causes of Fertility Problems

When you see your physician, it is a good idea to ask about two common medical issues that impact the ability to conceive for many plus-size women. If you have never had your thyroid tested, ask for a complete thyroid profile (the traditional TSH test is NOT enough because an underactive thyroid sometimes is only detected with thyroid antibody levels). An underactive or overactive thyroid can impair fertility and also cause problems during pregnancy. Overweight women are most likely to experience an underactive thyroid since the failure of thyroid to function properly can lead to weight gain. Hashimoto’s thyroiditis, the most common form of underactive thyroid, is five times more prevalent in women than in men. 

You should also discuss Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) with your physician. Between five and ten percent of all women of childbearing age have PCOS, which is a complicated metabolism and hormone imbalance. Symptoms include infrequent or irregular cycles, acne, facial hair, high cholesterol, thinning hair, skin tags, and sleep apnea. PCOS is a leading cause of infertility in overweight women (and there is a higher incidence of it in overweight women), because the imbalance of male and female hormones makes it difficult to get pregnant.

Some women find they have both of these problems, creating a double whammy. These disorders are things that many physicians are not as aware of as they should be, so asking to be tested for both will offer you peace of mind about your own fertility.

Make a Trip to the Drugstore

Your physician will prescribe prenatal vitamins for you, an important way to make sure you will have a healthy pregnancy. While prenatal vitamins are important, there is some research to suggest that the typical prenatal vitamin does not contain enough folic acid to provide protection in overweight women against neural tube defects in the baby. Some physicians believe plus-size women should take additional folic acid supplements (since it is a harmless vitamin) along with their prenatal vitamins in order to obtain full protection. Ask your physician about a higher dose of folic acid.

Track Your Cycle

While trying to get pregnant can be a romantic and exciting proposition, there is a science to it. Learning how to maximize your cycles can mean getting pregnant more quickly. Start tracking your basal body temperature each morning before you get up. Talk to your physician about how to read this chart (essentially you’re looking for a temperature drop, then an increase of at least .4 degrees, which indicates ovulation). Over the counter ovulation predictor kits are also a valuable tool. The key is to try to have sex at least every other day during the five days before you ovulate and the two days after. For more information, see www.FertilityPlus.org.

Stay Positive

Feeling good about your body and keeping a positive outlook will not only ease stress (which has been shown to have a negative effect on fertility), but will help you stay happy as you begin trying to get pregnant. Many women hope they will get pregnant right away, but in actuality there is only a 25% chance of getting pregnant each month, so you may have a long road ahead of you. Make time for your relationship and for yourself and try not to let all your hopes and happiness ride on that monthly pregnancy test.

Staying positive about your body is key, because many full-figured women often have low self-esteem. This is the time in your life when you should appreciate the amazing things your body can do, and learn to love it for what it is.

When to Seek Help

According to the CDC, 55% of couples get pregnant within three months, 72% within six months and 85% within one year. The standard advice is to try for a year before seeking assistance, but overweight women should seek assistance sooner, since weight can impair ovulation. If you do not ovulate (based on your basal body temperature chart or ovulation predictor kits), you should call your physician immediately. If you are over age 35 you also should not wait a year, since your window of opportunity is getting smaller.

Recommended Books

About the Author

Brette Sember is a plus-size mom of two and co-author of Your Plus-Size Pregnancy: The Ultimate Guide for the Full-Figured Expectant Mom (Barricade Books, 2005). Her web site, www.YourPlusSizePregnancy.com, contains a section on plus-size fertility.

Popularity: 28% [?]

Obesity Contagious! Beware of Fat Friends and Other Nasty Headlines

from Elegant Plus Magazine

In a week that saw the opening of the delightfully fat friendly, feel-good movie Hairspray and the celebrated third installment of Mo’Nique’s F.A.T. Chance self-esteem and size-acceptance television special on the Oxygen Network, a study of an entirely different nature reared its head in the esteemed New England Journal of Medicine from researchers at Harvard and the University of California.  Within hours of the related press-releases stating “Obesity is Socially Contagious” hundreds of articles had appeared and news outlets across a variety of media picked up the story.

What raised the alarm bells first for me was realizing that unlike many “stories” that make daily appearances in our culture in the infamous War on Obesity, this one had more legs than most.  Thoughtful news shows like Jim Lehrer on PBS and columnists at the well respected New York Times took up the story, while more tabloid type outlets gleefully declared that you should beware of fat friends and family members because they could make YOU fat!  Yet not once did I hear any real examination of the science behind the study, NOR a consideration of the implications such thinking might have on the lives of large individuals who are already targets of bullying and ostracization.

As an academic who has been trained to cast a critical eye on scientific methodology and underlying assumptions  before accepting the conclusions of any study as fact no matter from which institution it comes,  the media’s tendency to embrace every study that comes out of a laboratory as fact with a capital F has always disturbed me. Perhaps especially so because of the prevalence of hype and sound bytes throughout all types of media in the United States today.   Equally disturbing is the frequency of Junk Science and statistic manipulation used for a whole host of agendas, not the least of which is the support of the diet and pharmaceutical industries.   My first inclination was to contact NAAFA (National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance) to see if their health experts had addressed this specific study and invite them to write a guest article for Elegant Plus.   I received a cordial reply and the press release they had prepared on the subject which didn’t seem to really target this specific study, but more the general underlying hype surrounding the media’s War on Obesity, with the promise of a Guest Article if I wanted one.  I encouraged the latter option and sincerely hope one comes.  I am very interested in  publishing an educated and well informed rebuttal from someone equiped to take a critical look at this study for our readers.

So far, the only clearly argued discussion that refutes the specifics of the study based on data and methodology that I’ve seen comes from Sandy Szwarc’s blog Junk Food Science.  She’s a nurse with a biological science degree that equips her better than most to think about health related studies critically.  I highly recommend reading her article “Oh what a tangled web we weave” to begin to bring the hype on this particular obesity study into a balanced perspective. 

But regardless of the rightness or wrongness of the science there is another very real and dangerous repercussion from this type of media spin, especially on women.   Many of the lead drummers in this charge to “fix” what they view as a  looming public health crisis, fail to take into account the impact of their language, rhetoric and social messaging.   Screaming headlines like “Obesity is Contagious” and “Fat Friends Could Make You Fat”  does not effectively guilt anyone into changing lifestyle patterns, which is their purported intent.  It only makes people feel worse about themselves, lowers self-esteem and now piles on the guilt of harming the people closest to them.  How could this be a positive and productive state of affairs?

 In fact equating weight with lifestyle is one of the dangerous underlying assumptions permeating society.   The two are so enmeshed in popular thinking that fat, obese and unhealthy lifestyle are considered interchangeable synonyms (as are the equally false thin, slender, healthy lifestyle) , the first two the current synonyms of headline choice.  We, as a society, somehow think that simply by looking at (or weighing) an individual we have the ability (and sadly the right to judge) how well they take care of themselves.  But the fact is weight and obesity are far more complex than that, with some individuals naturally heavier than others, others suffering from medication side-effects and a host of other medical reasons.  There are women who eat healthier than most and run marathons who will never be slender.  There are skinny minis who eat chips and soda and junk food every day, and rarely lift so much as a  toe to get any exercise.   Simply, you cannot tell by someone’s weight alone what kind of lifestyle choices they make. 

 Think how differently the emotional impact of this research would read if the headlines said “Unhealthy Lifestyles are Socially Contagious”.   That truly is a different meaning than the one currently screaming across our media sphere, since not all fat people have an unhealthy lifestyle and many thin ones do.  Not only would the scientific data have a better shot of upholding such a theory which is already debatable as junk science, but the social implications would be less damaging to individuals already judged strictly by their body mass.  This leads to a downward spiral of social and self-loathing that adversally affects an individual’s mental health.  Now add in other’s fear of just knowing a fat person and we have a recipe for permissable discrimination.  I don’t think that is the path most of these so called “health advocates”  truly had in mind.  But it is the one we, as a society, are fast going down.  

Popularity: 24% [?]