Kiss My Assets Column at Elegant Plus Magazine

Creating  Powerful Girls

by Dr. Robyn Silverman

It’s that time again. The diet commercials are in full force which can only mean two things; bathing suit season is right around the corner and nationwide body image is getting ready to plummet. Many adults worry that between all the talk about buff bodies and diet plans, girls will slip into a self esteem slump. How can we help girls to elevate their self worth without needing to go on and on about loving your body?

Confidence and self worth, both positive and negative, can influence how a person feels, thinks, and acts throughout childhood and adulthood. Those who have strong feelings of confidence and high self worth will feel more positive about themselves, think more positively, and act and behave more positively than those who have low self confidence and low self worth. In addition, girls with strong feelings of confidence and high self worth will like who they see in the mirror each day and know that they are worthy of love.

Girls are looking to the women in their lives to show them the ropes. Whether you are a parent, big sister, teacher, or friend of a girl, you can inspire girls to become confident in themselves by following these tips:

Help them to realize her unique gifts:

Everyone is talented or special in some way. While we are not all little Einsteins or mini- Monets, everyone has something to offer. Let her know that you appreciate their gifts. Allow her to show you what she can do—without doing it for her! She will get better with time. Hang up artwork, projects, or awards that exhibit these gifts so that your child knows that you value her special talents. Creating a Wall of Fame will allow her to see all of her accomplishments.

Be present:

When a girl is sharing new knowledge or new gifts, pay attention! This is the time to shut off the TV and the cell phone. When you do this, she will know that she is important and worthy of your undivided attention.

Don’t over-praise:

You can let her know that she is special without over-praising. Not everything she does is worthy of the Wall of Fame. She can’t always be super, perfect and fantastic. When you praise a girl when praise is due, she will know you are being genuine and that she has really done a good job.

Be a RAD role model (Reliable, Accountable, and Dependable):

While you may not always be available when she needs you, create a pattern of responsiveness and responsibility. Be on time, be reliable, and follow through with what you say you are going to do. When you are a RAD role model, she will know that she can count on you and that she is worthy of your follow through. She will also learn what it means to be a positive role model to others.

Praise effort:

It may be easy to focus on a high mark on a paper or a gold medal, but it’s really important to praise effort instead of results. When a girl knows that she has worked hard and that hard work is praised, she will likely keep putting in the effort to make the accomplishment. When we are results driven, failure can stop us in our tracks and make us give up for fear of failing once again.

When we take the time to instill confidence in girls, they become a little bit stronger everyday. Then they can call upon that strength when they are feeling low or bombarded with negative, body-bashing messages. The strength of positive mentors carries on even when you’re not around!

Until next time (and the next 5 tips)!

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About the Author

Dr. Robyn J.A. Silverman is a Massachusetts-based child and adolescent development specialist and body image expert whose programs and services are used worldwide. She is also a success coach for parents and educators, who are looking to achieve their goals, improve their lives or improve the lives of others. She is a writer and professional speaker who presents to PTAs, schools, businesses and organizations that focus on children or families. Interested in doing some coaching with Dr. Robyn or having Dr. Robyn present a seminar at your school or business? Go to DrRobynSilverman.com for more information.

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 By Jeanne Rust, Phd, Guest Author for Elegant Plus Magazine

What can we do to begin to combat the messages we get from the media including magazines and television?

How can we make a difference in the world and begin to teach people to respect who we are as a person on the inside rather than what we look like on the outside?

When am I going to say, This is enough! I am going to refuse to pay attention to what other people think when they judge how I look. I am going to refuse to give away my power to a society that worships a handful of super models who use airbrushed photos!

The PBS website has a marvelous article called Perfect Illusions. The beginning paragraph states, One of the ways we can protect our self-esteem and body image from the often narrow definitions of beauty and acceptability is to become a critical viewer of the messages we are bombarded with each day. Media messages about body shape affect the way we feel about our bodies and ourselves only if we let them! When we recognize and analyze the media messages that influence us, we remember that the definitions of beauty and success do not have to define our self-image or potential. We must use our creative minds to view all media with a discriminating eye. All media images and messages are things that are made up. They are not reflections of reality. Advertisements are created to do one thing: convince you to buy or support a specific product or service. We see what advertisers want us to see to convince us to buy a specific product or service. Advertisers often will make up an emotional experience that looks like reality. Just because they think their approach will work with you, it does not mean it has to work with you! As individuals we decide how we want to experience media messages. We can choose whether we want to think or believe the message. We can use a filter that protects our self-esteem and body image. (I like to put on my super-dooper protective bubble!)

1. When you see an ad or hear a message that makes you feel bad about yourself, your body, or others by promoting only thin, formulaic body ideals, talk back to the TV and advertiser by writing a letter.

2. Make a list of companies who consistently send negative body image messages and make a conscious effort to avoid buying their products.

3. Write them a letter explaining why you are using your buying power to protest their messages.

4. Get your friends and/or students at your school or work to join you. There is power in a grass-roots movement.

5. You can tear out the ads you find offensive and send them to the advertiser with the message: I do not want them.

6. Consumers have much more influence with corporations than we realize. Corporations are so competitive with each other in todays world as they fight to get our attention. They have to be flexible and responsive so just a few people raising their voices can make a huge difference. We can look upon this as seed planting. Our seeds will sprout and grow. it might take some time but we can make a beginning in changing our culture!

We can be strong and change the world in which we live!

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Jeanne Rust, PhD is the CEO and Founder of Mirasol, a treatment program for women and teens with anorexia, bulimia, obesity, and binge eating disorder. Her treatment philosophy is integrative combining the best of the medical model of treatment with the most effective alternative ones. Learn more about eating disorders at http://www.mirasol.net

Reprinted with Peremission from: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Jeanne_Rust,_Phd
http://EzineArticles.com/?6-Ways-to-Combat-the-Medias-Body-Image-Message&id=827128

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Joy Nash’s original Fat Rant video clip took the internet by storm earlier this year.  Since then she’s become a talk show guest taking on the likes of MeMe Roth and gotten neck deep in national size-acceptance issues.  She’s smart, well-spoken …. and yes fat.  But not in the media stereo-typical way that seems to delight in images of sloth when portraying fat people.  She’s very cute and curvaceous, fashionable and well dressed. And, let’s not forget funny, but unlike the usual fat comedian, not in a self-deprecating (might we even say self-loathing) way that we usually see.  No Kirstie Alley self-hating antics for her. 

 Check out Part 2 of her Fat Rant.   Kudos! 

Now excuse me while I go feed a sleep addiction and take a nap.

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  An Interview with Author Patrick Sanchez:  The Way It Is

by Elegant Plus Magazine

    Elegant Plus Managing Editor, Thea Politis, takes a few minutes to chat with Patrick Sanchez, the hot author who penned the voluptuous and entertaining current  Chick Lit hit  The Way It Is .    A native of the Washington, D.C. area he currently lives in Arlington, VA with his daschund, Gomez.  He loves to hear from his readers and you can drop him a line at:  PO Box 4493, Falls Church VA 22044.

EP: Patrick, glad to have you here. Tell us a little about what led you to write novels from the perspective of a woman, let alone a plus size woman?  And how do you get so well into their/our heads?

PS:  I actually sort of fell into writing from the perspective of women.  I wrote my first novel, Girlfriends, when I was still in my twenties and part of the whole bar scene.  I spent so much time in different bars and nightclubs and thought it would be fun to write about how ridiculous the single’s scene was and that’s where Girlfriends came from.  But originally Girlfriends was more about both women and men making they’re way and finding romance; however, when I sold the manuscript to Kensington Publishing, they requested that I work it into more of a women’s fiction, Sex and The City-type book (now referred to as “Chick-Lit”).  They thought the book would be more marketable that way.  So I did as I was told and scaled back the male characters and beefed up the female characters.  Luckily, Girlfriends was a success, so I decided to stay in the genre when I wrote my second novel, but I wanted to do something a little different.

When I started The Way It Is, I was in my thirties and rarely saw the inside of bars or nightclubs anymore.  I had grown out of the whole club scene and wanted to write about more mature characters (the characters in Girlfriends are in their twenties while the characters in The Way It Is are in their thirties).  I’d read a few books about large woman and noticed that most of them ended with the heroine losing vast amounts of weight and then finding love and having her whole life come together.  I thought it would be fun to write a book where the heroine never loses weight but, instead, learns to love herself for who she is.

I’m not sure how I “get so well into women’s heads” or if I even do.  Believe it or not, there is so much of me in all my characters.  I did do a lot of research and interviews when writing The Way It Is, but most of who the characters are just came from my gut and my instincts about how they would react in certain situations.

EP: Are your characters in The Way It Is drawn from real life people? If so, whom?

PS: I think all writers borrow traits and personalities from real life people and weave bits and pieces into our characters.  None of the characters are based on any one real-life person, but they do share some traits of people I know.  Although, like I mentioned earlier, there is more of me in all the characters than anyone else.  A lot of my own life and personal struggles where channeled into Ruby.  I thought a lot of Queen Latifah when I was writing about Wanda as both Queen Latifah and Wanda are confident and beautiful plus-size African American women.  I thought about Jennifer Lopez too when I wrote about Simone.  I certainly have no knowledge of Jennifer Lopez having an eating disorder, but I think she and Simone share the same raw determination to succeed.

EP: Ruby, one of your main characters, in the opening scene is enduring what has clearly been a lifetime of put downs about her size from her own mother. This is something many plus women can relate to. What is it about our  society, do you think, that makes this sort of cruel behavior towards our loved ones acceptable?

PS:  I think it’s all about equating being thin with being healthy and happy.  Even though their words hurt, I think loved ones may think they are ultimately helping their fat family members or friends by motivating them to lose weight.  I also think there is this misconception that it’s okay to degrade fat people because fat people “choose to be fat,” that it’s “their fault” and “if they just had some self control they could lose weight.”

EP: Not only are your main characters in different head spaces in regards to their weight — Ruby battles self-esteem issues and related “feel good” closet eating, Wanda is supremely confident in her own skin, and Simone is a once fat, skinny girl who battles her fear of becoming fat again — but they are also each of different races: Caucasian, African-American, and Latina, respectively.  Do you think that any of these weight related behaviors are typical of one American sub-culture or ethnicity or another?  Or were you trying to draw characters to which almost any woman in America could relate?

PS:  I absolutely wanted to draw characters to which almost any woman in America could relate, but at the same time I think there are some cultural differences related to size.  Although I know a number of African American women who diet themselves to death to try and be thin, it does seem that a larger number of plus-size black women seem to be comfortable with their size.  And it’s been my experience that large African American women are much more likely than their white counter parts to dress in sexy revealing clothes.

EP:  What was the significance of including the gay guy pal in the story? The gay community often struggles with many of the same “buff body” ideals that  women do in our society.  Is this significant?

PS:  Absolutely!  Not only are gay men just as obsessed with body image as straight women.  Gay men and fat women seem to share a bond.  It’s like gay men and Cher…for whatever reason where ever you find gay men, you find fat women.  We are both often treated badly by society, misunderstood, and crazy loons are always trying to make us into something we are not…something/someone that fits their ideals and complies with their agenda.

EP:  Do you like the artwork on the cover of your book? Does it capture the essence of your characters in the way you envisioned them?

PS: There are things about the cover art that I do like and things about it that I wasn’t thrilled with.  I like the bright yellow background and, although she is portrayed as impossibly thin (her neck is as big as her waist), the artist’s rendition of Simone was pretty much dead on; however, in my mind, I pictured both Ruby and Wanda much larger than they appeared on the cover.  I’m glad they were not represented as stick figures.  At least they appear as voluptuous women, but I still would have liked them to have been larger.

EP:  Your first novel, Girlfriends was a huge success.  And The Way It Is  looks like it is following suit. What was the difference in your experience in getting the two published?  How did you get the interest of the publishers the first time out?

PS:  When I finished the manuscript for Girlfriends (which I had called Misery & Company when I was shopping it around), I sent query letters and the first few pages of the manuscript to several agents with no luck.  After a little retooling, I contacted some additional agents and actually approached some publishers directly.  This time around I got some interest from two agents (in addition to about 30 rejects), but I also got a direct offer from Kensington Publishing.  The advance was tiny, but I was so thrilled to find a publisher I immediately accepted their offer.

When I was ready to shop around an outline for The Way It Is (after you publish one book you can usually get an advance based on just an outline for later ones) I hired an agent to represent me and negotiate my contract.  This time around the advance was much more substantial and the terms of the contract were much better.

EP: Thanks for chatting with us Patrick!  Readers, , if you like Chick-Lit, this one is a must read! To learn a little bit more about Patrick Sanchez, you can also stop by his web-site.

 NOTE:  Since this interview was first published in 2003, Patrick Sanchez has gone on to write Once Upon a Nervous Breakdown and Tight. 

Check out the hilariously funny  Once Upon a Nervous Breakdown Video below!

[youtube=http://youtube.com/watch?v=q89ijBycfHI]

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